Oh, hey, look. The pit of despair after all.

Whelp.

There were elections.

People are...sheep? Stupid? Horrifying? Maybe all of that.

How did Virginia elect a man who thinks killing people who believe differently than him is a good idea? How did we elect a white woman running on a platform of killing babies and crying about misogyny while running against an amazing black woman who personifies the American dream in action? 

I am trying to simply rest in the knowledge that God has this all in His hand. None of it is a surprise and, ultimately, He wins.

But still.

I weep for the future. 

Napoleon, but with Dragons

Last week was the birthday of one of my best friends' son. He's newly minted 13 and very into dragon books. Knowing this ahead of time, I started digging about looking for acceptable dragon books for a 13 year old boy.

This was a lot harder than seems necessary.

So much of the fiction with dragons these days is...smut. Really, that's the word for it. I would say likely not appropriate for the women who read it, let alone a 13 year old boy.

After a bit of back and forth with my friend, I ended up sending him the Harper Hall Trilogy from Anne McCaffrey's Pern books. Those are some of my favorites and they are geared to be middle grade, as opposed to the bulk of Pern which is definitely adult. (Super tame by today's standards, but as this family likes to avoid sexual themes and LGBTQ+ stuff (which works itself into all the MG and YA these days), Pern is still out for a while. Though I do plan to re-read The White Dragon. If I recall correctly, it should be acceptable, and given that the hero is a young teen, I think the son might really enjoy it, too.)

But in my searching, I also stumbled upon His Majesty's Dragon by Naomi Novik and I was intrigued enough to grab it, thinking I'd read through it myself first to see if it would pass and then ship one off as a bonus gift if it passed.

It did.

It was also wonderful.

It centers around a Navy man aboard a frigate during the Napoleonic Wars -- except that this alternate world has dragons as air ships that are part of the fight. So, his frigate catches a French ship and a big part of their prize is a dragon egg. One that hatches before they reach a good port, and so the captain ends up becoming the dragon's captain. (There's more to it than that, but it's a bond between man and dragon that is reminiscent of Pern. Except these dragons speak aloud.)

Honestly, it's been so long since a new-to-me book brought such joy.

I also loved that the writing itself has the flavor and language of sea-faring books. In fact, it reminded me quite a bit of reading Master and Commander and others of that ilk. Just with the additional fun of dragons. Because really, who doesn't want a dragon?

I've already picked up book two of the nine in the series and am hopeful that the whole series will prove appropriate for my friend's son in addition to me.

As for historical correctness, I don't know enough about the history to say if it's accurate or not. Obviously, any battles where the dragons cinch a win are not historically accurate, but did Napoleon try to cross the channel and land on the shores of Great Britain? I know not. But I enjoyed reading about it as a possibility.

With dragons.

So, where were we?

Not, in fact, the pit of despair.

I have, of late, been thinking "Oh, I should blog about that." And then, when I finally have a moment with my laptop, I either can't remember what it was or I have eleventy one other things that need doing and so don't get to the blog.

None of it, of course, is earth shattering.

Youngest is actually doing amazingly well without meds. Now that the adderall is completely out of his system? He's much less angry. Is he still easily distracted? Yes. Is school still a little hard? Also yes. But I like this version of him a lot and I'm pleased that he's figuring out ways to control himself without needing the meds.

To be clear, I am 100% pro-meds if they are doing what you need them to do. They were a HUGE help for us for a long time. This is not me saying not to use meds. Ever. Take alllll the meds if they help.

I have also returned to progressives. I gave them a whack two years ago and ended up getting carsick while driving wearing them. Not super bueno, especially when you live off a windy, two-lane road. This time round, I went to Costco instead of using my eye dr. I don't know if it's that I'm older or if Costco just makes their progressives differently/better, but it's been a dream. And I love not spending my life moving glasses off and on (and even when off I was starting to not be able to read as well as I would have liked. Age is fun!)

Eldest is killing his senior year. He's finished the first of his four 8-week terms and is now on to his second. He's also working as a lifeguard (indoor pool, obviously) and we seem to have a gaggle of teens over here every time I turn around. 

Finally, we're talking about having younger boy try wrestling. We have a family friend whose son (who has similar struggles as younger boy) who says wrestling has been a lifesaver for him. So...I'm going to see if I can sell him on it. Maybe lacrosse in the spring? We shall see. But the boy needs more activity outlets than he manages on his own volition. 

Not a Swiftie, but....

I don't consider myself a "Swiftie," but I do like her music, and I do tend to purchase her albums when they come out. (On MP3. I'm not a return-to-vinyl gal, either.)

With that caveat? I don't understand the hate for her new record. It is, honestly, in my top 3 (the others being 1989 and Reputation. With Lover getting a close honorable mention. As does Midnights.)

Maybe people don't like it because she's back to pop? Like really, really good pop. Unapologetic pop. Pop that sends me back to the 80s and 90s pop. (Can I say pop any more? Probably.) I listen to a song and thing, "Man, this could be Madonna circa Cherish." or "Oh, yeah, Janet or Michael Jackson could totally have done this song." And then a few toes into the land of Blink 182 adjacent. (which is not pop, I realize, but ...it also kind of is?)

Point being, it's just good, solid music.

The. Whole. Album.

There is not a single song on there that I skip. (Not true of most of her other music.) Even Wood, which is arguably the most ridiculous song on there, is a bop that I don't mind listening to. And it makes me snicker, because it's just ridiculous. But fun.

And maybe that's what people don't like? It's not serious, navel-contemplation music. It's not sad, I'm heartbroken, cry with me music. It's fun. It's happy. Even the one slowish song is happy. Even the songs that have less happy lyrics are still happy. Because, I imagine, Taylor herself is happy. She found herself. She seems in a much more solid, content place in her life. And it shows in her music.

Of course there are the people out there (conservatives and Christians mainly, because we all apparently like to be really vocal about stuff that makes us look ridiculous) up in arms about the adult nature of this record. But come on. She's not 16 anymore. She's what, 35? Of course she's not writing about high school heartbreak in high school ways. And I think back to the songs that I listened to in high school, and the lyrics here aren't any worse than any of those. (Honestly, they're probably tamer. I introduce my kids to a song I loved in high school and cringe sometimes because gosh. How did I not have a problem singing that? But also? I still sing it. (Looking at the morons who just found Madonna's "Like a Prayer" and thought it had to do with church. Um. No. Never. Because Madonna should have been your first clue.) 

Then they get on the "She shouldn't be a role model!" soapbox and...I just sigh. Maybe some day I'll write up my thoughts on helping your kids choose role models. (Did I do that already? I should poke through and see.) Because, unless the only role model you allow is Jesus, there is no perfect person. And, long story short, I think it's more important to help kids analyze public figures to see what aligns with their world view and what doesn't. And how you can learn from what they did to achieve in those areas while understanding that there IS a worldview difference.

And I guess now I don't have to write that up after all.

Back to The Life of a Showgirl. If you like solid, almost retro pop, you should give it a listen. It's a solid album that will get you singing and dancing.

A Week Without Meds

Youngest boy has been on some variety of ADHD stimulant for six years (?) now. I think we've tried them all at least once. Some twice. And, in fact, our last change - maybe a year ago now - was back to Adderall. None of them have really done as much as we all (him, me, the psychiatrist) feel they should. Unless we dose him so high he doesn't eat. So that's a no-go.

But the Adderall was doing enough that we were trying to fiddle around with other things to boost the efficacy here and there and it was reasonable. Ish.

Then, last week, it was time to refill. The way they handle stimulants is infuriating (and brought to you by the aholes who misuse these meds for cheap highs.) but I get the necessity. Mostly. Anyway, our doctor usually sends in three 30-day prescriptions at each appointment so we don't have to get her to send a new one in every 30 days. Cool. The CVS app said we had two fills left. But...there was no "request refill" button. Instead there was a note saying they needed a new prescription.

I was confused, but I called and left them a message. They called back and said yes, they needed a new prescription. So whatever. I emailed the doctor and explained the situation. She sent in a new one for me.

Now, the app was showing "this medication needs a preauthorization." Pardon me, what? He's been on it for a year. And it's basically the first thing doctors try (unless they like Ritalin better, in which case it's the second) for ADHD. 

Another call to the pharmacy nets an assurance that that's what the system is telling them. It's an insurance issue not them.

So, fine. I call the insurance company.

After like two hours of various holds, phone menus with only voice options and not numbers to hit, an AI refusal to send me to a freaking person unless I first let them try to solve my problem and then, finally, a helpful individual, it turns out that, because both boys take ADHD meds, and elder boy just got switched from one to another about 2 weeks after a refill, we have exceeded our allotment of 75 pills in a 90 day period. SO they won't fill younger boy's meds until November.

I had...thoughts. So many thoughts.

The guy did describe a horrifically annoying sounding process whereby we might be able to get an override, and I'm keeping it in my back pocket. But for now? We're flying med-free. It is going surprisingly well.

Honestly? It's not all that different. And, on the positive side, when he does freeze up/melt down, he's much less violent and ragey with it. (A little investigation showed that anger/rage is a side effect of Adderall. Cool cool. Pubescent teen boy + medication rage was super fun. Glad I knew that in advance. Oh, wait.)

We've added in a few supplements that also seem to be helping, and at this point, if things keep going this way, I'm going to just kibosh the Adderall when we next see the doc anyway. I would much rather my kids not be on them if they don't have to be.

Quirky vs Diagnosis

 This article has been making the rounds on instagram (the only social media I really hang out on anymore, and even then mostly browsing.) 

And...I have thoughts. (To the surprise of nobody.)

I agree. To a degree.

I grew up quirky. As did my sister. And my parents were also quirky. Too smart. Too outspoken. Too dedicated to our vision of right and wrong. Black and white. Our opinions, once formed, are set in stone and rarely to be changed.

And if you were to say all of that today in any elementary school, you would very rapidly get a referral to be diagnosed with high functioning/level one autism (aka Asperger's Syndrome.)

And cool. That may be so. (Read: probably is so.)

Which is why for the majority of elder boy's life, I simply smiled and said, blood or no, he was just like his parents and grand parents.

Until.

Because kids today have a lot more to deal with in terms of the ability to bully one another than they did when I was growing up. And oh, boy, did I get "bullied." 

Except we didn't call it that then. We just had people who were little a-holes who you learned to steer clear of and ignore. And, when necessary, involve teachers/parents/administrators. All of whom - in a what would be a shocking turn of events today - actually DID something about the behavior.

In today's world, would a psychologist tell me I have trauma from it? I can say yes with alacrity, because that is, in fact, what happened. And then she wanted me to delve deep into my inner psyche to figure out where I felt the pain of that in my body. And...I don't? It was a long time ago. I don't still feel hurt by it. Am I somewhat mistrustful of new people? Yeah. Can I spot fake nice from a hundred miles away? Also yeah. Do I have any tolerance for fake bs? No.

But do I feel like I need to do anything to "fix" or "heal" any of that? Also no.

And still. The treatment from other kids was so bad that elder boy was having a very hard bouncing back. And because no one would deal with the issue of the other kids - wanting instead to call him too sensitive and unable to take a joke (which to be fair, they would try initially when I was young, but they really doubled down on it with elder boy. Because no one wants to take accountability for the fact that they're failing as parents, I guess.) And so it began to eat away at his mental health. And he teetered over the edge into darkness and...we needed help.

And help came in the form of a diagnosis.

Because now, he's able to say, "Oh. They're that way because they don't understand how my brain works. And they can't handle the differences. And so it's not who I am as a person that they can't deal with. It's that they don't understand how to deal with a person who's different like me."

Maybe it's splitting hairs. Maybe we could have pushed harder for him to absorb the lessons that got me through upper elementary, middle, and high school. Except that I didn't want that for him. Because for all I got through it and for all I'm pretty okay with who I am today - I used to be extroverted. I used to love making new friends and being around people. I was class president. I was in theater on stage rather than behind the scenes. And that all changed. I quit trying to lead. I moved into stage crew, then even farther back into set design. Anything to avoid the attention of people who would then seek to chip away at my sense of self-worth and value.

And I found my people in a smaller, quirkier tribe.

But I (we, hubs is on board here) wanted more than that for our kids. Or at least, for them to have an option.

And having a "diagnosis" that explains the quirky, gives other people a way to know how to relate to them. And it cuts down on some of the outright cruelty. And, in the situations where it doesn't, it gives me the ability to say to the parents/authority figure, "Are you really going to allow this level of bullying of someone with a disability?"

And that shuts it down pretty fast.

Do I wish it was different? 100%

But since parents have abdicated their responsibility to raise their kids to be good people who aren't aholes to people who are different, then the people who are different need any defense they can get.

Do I love all the 30-somethings getting diagnoses now? Not really. In my opinion, if you made it through school and found coping mechanisms to get you to success, then you don't need a diagnosis. But also? It doesn't hurt me, or my kids, for you to have one. (Unless you're on a medication that you don't actually need and are contributing to the scarcity and making it so my child who literally can't ready without his adderall can't get his script filled. Then I would love to smack you upside the head.)

But this is the way of the world. And sometimes you just have to roll with it. We make new discoveries in a field, and then we can understand the past a little better than we did before. Getting annoyed with it serves no one. But I guess maybe it helps you write an article with the hopes of going viral.

So there's that.

Wild and Wonderful

This past weekend, hubs and I headed over to West Virginia for a little mini-weekend away, and it was glorious.

For Father's Day, I got him some scratch off adventure cards from an ad I saw on Instagram. We're always looking for fun things to do with the kids that might make them dislike family time a little. But after several weeks of whining when we suggested it, we decided we'd just go ourselves.

So I pawed through the WV cards to find some that were all relatively close to one another and not a huge drive for us (because I love a road trip and he does not) and Saturday morning we headed off bright and early.

Our first stop was a flower farm. Not something I would ever have thought to do, honestly. But it was really cute and fun (and cheap!) and for maybe $20, we spent a solid hour (possibly a little longer) walking among the flowers and snipping off a lovely bouquet that is still flourishing on my kitchen counter.

From there, we went on to Morgantown, where our other cards had sent us.

Since hubs is a big fan of spontaneous, the culling of the cards nearby and booking a hotel were all the planning I did. This bit us in the rear a little as three of the items revealed, upon scratching off, that we needed to book 24 hours out. So I'll be letting the company know they need to indicate that somewhere on the card. But the other activities (the botanical garden and glow in the dark mini golf themed around WV cryptids) were really quite a lot of fun. 

We hiked every path the garden offered (and hike is an exaggeration, it was lovely walking. They were not paved paths - many were forest paths but the larger "main" one was gravel.) I think we spent close to three hours - thankfully it was a lovely day for it. And they have a little cafe that provided a very tasty lunch for again not a huge outlay. Always a plus.

And who doesn't love mini golf? (Indoor mini golf!)

We had dinner at a local Italian restaurant - quite delicious - with memories of Ireland popping in as, since we had no reservation, they asked if we thought we could be finished in an hour and a half as the table was booked then. We assured them we could. Although in the end, we were only out about 5 minutes prior to the deadline, but that was more service related than anything. (It wasn't bad service, just slow. And I think purposefully slow. As the restaurant was very much a sit and linger type place not a here's your food and your check all at once.)

In the morning, we'd planned to hit up a local farm that let you pet llamas (hubby's favorite and another of our cards), but when we pulled up their address, the website had changed from showing operating hours to "everything is by appointment only." So in the end, we just meandered home, with a stop at the Apple House in Linden for some apply goodness.

It was lovely to get away sans kids. First time, I believe, since eldest was born. So perhaps a bit long in the making. But now that he's definitely old enough to hold the fort and youngest is old enough to not really need much supervising beyond making sure that food is consumed, we'll definitely be doing it again.