Patently Absurd

Amazing. I think the Patent Office has hit a new low. They’re now going to grant a patent on a fictional storyline. I think they’ve all gone quietly mad over there and we’re just now beginning to see the after effects. I am not a huge open source weenie by any stretch of the imagination. I believe in copyrights and patents – to a degree. I believe in the protection of intellectual property, but again, to a degree. Because to another degree, there’s truth in the statement of the author of Ecclesiastes that “there’s nothing new under the sun.” So much of what is “created” is similar to other things that have already been created or that someone else already thought of creating. And I don’t really think that there should be licensing fees or royalties changing hands simply because one person got to the patent office first.

If the patent office is going to do this, then the ideas they’re patenting should have to be so specific that there’s not really room for interpretation beyond the actual original idea. So rather than being able to patent the storyline of a love story between two people who meet online and then find out that they actually have had interactions already and that they despise each other but come to fall in love because of their online communication, which would of course encompass the movie You’ve Got Mail but also another movie (the title of which is currently escaping me, but it came out about the same time) except instead of in a chat room, they meet through an online dating service. Other little details vary, but it’s essentially the same plot and it looks like the generalness of the patent that’s being granted would make way for something as described above.

On the positive side, this might help reduce some of the movie copycatting that goes on, but then we are forced to choose the best between movies pairs like: First Daughter and Chasing Liberty, Armageddon and Deep Impact, Volcano and Dante’s Peak and the list can go on for hours. But I don’t want to have to choose simply because one author got the patent office before another. There are enough differences to make each of those movies interesting on their own merits, despite the fact that you sometimes get the characters and exact plot lines mixed up in your head.

It’s interesting to consider what this’ll do to formulaic authors. Consider the genre of romance. If an enterprising person was to do an analysis of the typical plot line of the vast majority or romance novels and then be granted a plot line, they could shut down the genre as a whole. The same could be done for police procedurals and the majority of mysteries. There are a limited number of plot devices out there and if the patent office is going to let people start patenting generic plot lines, the fiction market is going to be out of business. And as much as some might feel that, in the case of a few select authors, that would be a good thing, what would that mean for literacy? I’m not going to spend an enjoyable afternoon curled up on the couch with a patent decree.

Then there’s the idea of patenting non-fiction “plotlines”. This hasn’t happened so far, but it seems the reasonable next step. So someone should be the first to apply for a patent on a self-help book that 1) describes the problem of desiring success 2) outlines steps for success including engendering of a positive attitude and repeated personal affirmations daily and 3) visualizing particular events that embody success to that person. That’ll take care of a large portion of the self-help books on the shelf and in the brains of their authors.

The whole thing is just ridiculous. If the patent office is really going to take this step then I think we may need to consider on a legislative scale whether we really have a need for the patent office at all, because clearly they’re not able to distinguish between what should and should not be patentable.

Interesting links on the subject are here, here and here.

I had a whole other post today about this really funky dream I had, but I’ll have to tell you later, after I consult with my patent attorney.