Random, Scattered Thoughts on Adoption (Celebrity and Otherwise)

I have a bundle of thoughts (one might say I had a plethora of thoughts...and sweaters, actually) sparked by the whole Madonna-Adoption thing. In fact, they're fairly generalizable to adoption in general for the most part. I will endeavor here to spew them forth for general digestion, but please be aware that I actually have work to do today (I! Know!! Amazing!!) so I am writing this in bits and pieces as I contemplate next steps or wait for things to compile or transfer from my system to the test system and so forth (thus the random and scattered attributes of the thoughts).

Enough preamble. (Do you ever wonder if someone mumbled that at the first reading of the Constitution?)

First, and this is really not relegated to celebrities, there are regular people who do this as well, I have a problem with people who adopt for any reason other than they want to add a child to their family. I don't care if it's your first or sixteenth child, but really, if you're going to adopt, it needs to be about wanting a child and all that's involved in that. You don't adopt to "save children" nor do you adopt to draw attention to issues in certain parts of the world. You adopt because you have enough love in your hearts and in your family that you need to share it with a child. Period. All the other stuff may also come about, but seriously, if you're not starting out to adopt for that reason, you are essentially taking advantage of another human being to make a point - regardless of whether or not a side effect is that the child has a better life than it would've. It needs to be about that child being part of your family first and foremost. (Realistically this also applies to those who can conceive children biologically - it's the same principle. You don't get pregnant to save a marriage. Or to keep up with the Jones family. Or because you want to be a soccer mom. Or because you've got sixteen girls and all you really ever wanted was a boy. Or whatever.)

Second, if you're going to adopt, learn the language. It appalls me that people who are adoptive parents who also have biological children refer to said children as their "natural" child. So..your adopted kid is unnatural? Honestly, I don't really see why you need to draw attention to the fact of adopted vs. biological anyway. These are your kids. And if people look and see every race of the world represented and aren't able to decide between either some or all of the kids being adopted or you getting busy with delegates from every country in the UN, how is it their business anyway? (This is not to say that if the question comes up you answer dishonestly - adoption isn't a cause for shame and there should be no hesitancy in saying that they're adopted. But don't point it out as "these two are adopted" - unless you also make bizarre social statements like, "These are my kids, these two are wearing pink.") Then there's the issue of "real" parent (so adoptive parents are...fake?). And the birthmother didn't "give up" her child, she "placed the child for adoption". In fact - even if you're not going to adopt, learn the language. The PC police get up in arms with so many other words that make so little difference in the scheme of things, just add these terms to your vocabulary, because they go beyond PC.

Third, and this one applies mostly to celebrities and very rich people (like celebrities), adopt from countries who actually want non-nationals to adopt from there. Go through the proper channels and agencies and don't get special waivers and exceptions just because you can. Also, don't say you want to build an orphange and "raise $3M" to do this. You're rolling in money. You make more than $3M in one concert tour. If this is your project, then finanace it, make it available for other people to contribute - they're going to because you have a big name - but don't go around begging for an amount of money that's paltry when compared to the money you have sitting around in your various designer purses at home. (And honestly, my belief in that sentiment goes way beyond adoption to every celebrity out there with a pet cause.)

Finally, understand that some celebrities manage to adopt without creating a huge international fuss - it can be done. Jamie Lee Curtis shines as the primary example for this. And Kate Jackson is another. If you're scratching your heads and thinking, "Huh, they adopted?" then you've got the picture. (Heck, as much as I really dislike Tom Cruise, he makes no secret that he and Nicole Kidman adopted, but at the same time, they keep it low key.)

Many people think that big name, media circus adoptions do wonders for adoption and I'm not silly enough to think that there isn't some potential good that can come out of it. But really? Honestly? I think it does more harm in the long run. It creates an impression that parents wanting to adopt simply go out and buy a child, that it's easy, and that the rules and laws of a country only matter if you can't afford to buy the kid outright. Adoption is a long, paper-filled process. And it should be. As frustrating as it is, all the paperwork and toil is focused around making sure that the child is going to the family who is going to provide the best environment for nurturing and loving that child into adulthood. Which neatly circles us back around the first point. The reason behind all the frustration, waiting, and paperwork is because you want to add a child to your family. And that's the only reason that really matters.

(Oh, and speaking of which, Slush and her hubs just got their referral from Guatemala - go say congratulations!)