Because Procrastination is an Art Form

I believe I've mentioned before the unfortunate personality trait I possess that has plagued me for the bulk of my life that makes it impossible for me to, hm, how to put this, slack off. Examples of this sad, sad state are legion, however the one that stands out most firmly as an example of the extremity of the problem comes from my sophomore year of college, fall semester. (One could argue that the fact that I remember the details to this level is an example in and of itself, but I'll leave that for you to consider.)

As part of my lit minor, I took a course on the works of Samuel Johnson (and other authors of the era, though it was primarily Johnson.) Aside from being simply fascinating and immensely enjoyable (I'd've been a lit major if I thought there was anything practical I could do with it), we had to do an indepth research paper with all the requisite compares and contrasts. It was due at the end of the semester, but the professor was happy to review our papers and make suggestions or comments for revision up until the due date to help us produce the best possible product. I turned mine in just before our mid-term break. In what I considered a final draft. The professor agreed.

Anecdotal evidence would suggest that this personality trait is, in fact, inherited. Daddy will often regale us with tales of his own college experiences that entailed going to the library the night before something was due and enquiring if any of the many there, all crammed around the single copy of the required resource, wanted to go grab some pizza and a movie. Apparently there were never any takers. He never mentions how many wedgies he received, however I suspect the number was well over ten.

One might think that learning to overcome the perpetual need to be ahead would be fairly easy. Unfortunately for my little OCD soul, stress is the enemy. When I get stressed - seriously stressed - I shut down. Thus the inner nerdiness that got me through college, and so much of the rest of life, is really a defense mechanism designed to keep me operating with some level of functionality instead of sitting on the couch with my nose buried in my preferred escape vehicle - some variety of fiction. The more mindless the better when I'm well and truly stressed.

This semester is proving to be a constant struggle for me. I feel perpetually behind because there really aren't clear or well defined expectations (and nothing is worse to a goody-two-shoes than not knowing if you're performing at the expected level). This in turn causes stress, which begins the whole inner struggle between "Shoot, I'm behind already, I can't do this so why bother trying" with "Well, if you're behind then you just need to work harder and get back on track and ahead." And while those two duke it out in my brain, the rest of me is left looking for a good book to read and some form of chocolate.

Earlier this week I came very close to my breaking point. So, in the fashion of any good nerd, I made lists. Lists of what was stressing me out. Lists of what needed to be done. Lists of what on the needed to be done list that really didn't need to be done. Lists of what didn't need to be done but that if they got done I knew I'd feel better. Lists and lists and lists.

I love lists*.

So, in the spirit of compromise, the two voices in my head decided that since their battle over school work was, in effect, a draw, the decision was made to put productive energy into something other than school. And so, I'm happy to report that I still have a paper due December 4th that I really haven't started, a design document due the 14th of December that, yes, is essentially in the "Yes, I know I have to do that at some point" stage, a review of literature due December 15th that is simply in the "Is it really due in December?" stage, and I haven't really posted anything, I was going to say significant but I think we can just stop at anything, to the discussion forums in several weeks.

But I'm finished with my Christmas shopping.

*(Appropos of nothing, this planner feeds my need for lists so amazingly well. It just makes me happy. If you're a list person and you're not in love with your planner, I highly recommend this one.)