Impending (Grand)Parenthood

It's been amusing to step back now and then and see how various friends and relatives are responding to our impending parenthood. While in some cases I think it's incredibly revealing of their personalities, in other cases the reactions have been so out of the normal for what I would have expected that I'm stunned. Usually in a good way.

The only sort of negative response (and I say sort of because I know it came out of a place of concern - but that doesn't really make it less of a comment that makes you scratch your head and wonder why you would say that to anyone) was from one of Tim's uncles who, in addition to a brief congratulatory email, let us know that we should proceed with caution because there's so much fraud in adoption and this birth mother is probably just after our money. Now, I'm not denying that in private adoption there definitely are cases of fraud. This is why we're working through an agency. Generally speaking there's a lot more protection from outright fraud when doing this - especially since we don't give any money directly to the birth mom. While we are happy to provide for whatever expenses we're legally allowed to do, if she wanted this, it would be handled by the agency. But in our case, the birth mom doesn't need anything, so it's a moot point. I'll also allow that until she terminates her rights after the birth there is the possibility that she'll change her mind and decide to parent. This is her right. We understand that. But at the same time, looking at the particular risks in our situation, we're not overly concerned about the placement falling through. And we consider that the best course of action is to embrace the possibility and step out on faith. I explained this in a short, polite email to Tim's uncle. He simply reiterated his warning in his response. But honestly, with this particular uncle neither of us is particularly surprised by the Marshwiggle outlook on life.

My parents have responded very much the way I would have expected them to. They're elated. Though I'm still amused at their initial reaction. See, we found out the weekend after they took in Shadow the Kitty. And I had been calling a couple times a day to see how he was settling in (I told you all that it turns out that Shadow is not a she but is, in fact, a he, right? Apparently when it comes to kittens I'm not good at identifying the bits and pieces.) On the Sunday before Thanksgiving we got the email letting us know we'd been selected at about 8:30 in the evening. So I promptly picked up the phone and called my parents. Who I guess I'd been calling too often. Because mom answered the phone with, "The cat died. Stop calling." I laughed and said, "Don't play with my emotions like that. It's not nice. The birth mother chose us, we're getting a baby in January." To which mom responded, "Don't play with my emotions like that. It's not nice." At which point I had to assure her that I was in earnest and had not actually been calling to check on the cat. Since then, mom has been giddily collecting up all the bits and bobs of baby things that she's been stashing hither and yon since we started trying to start a family lo these nine years ago.

It's Tim's folks who have surprised me the most. I figured they would be their usual rather detached selves about the whole thing - something along the lines of "that's nice". Because their interactions with us have always been very hands off. I couldn't have been more wrong. I think, if it's even possible to fathom, Tim's mom is more excited about this baby than my mom is. This qualifies as excitement that is off the chart by light years. What's hilarious about how she expresses her joy though is that I'll get emails and phone calls with links to the Mayo Clinic ratings of baby thermometers (rectal is still considered the most accurate. Our poor child will have to suffer through some method other than the most accurate because I am simply not using a rectal thermometer.) and Consumer Reports articles on mattresses. I had no idea she was such a researching fiend! Tim's dad just calls to check in and ooze excitement and offer advice along the lines of "Don't let anyone tell you what to do, you and Tim can figure out what's best for your baby." (This is more what I expected, given their loathing of external advice.)

Some of Tim's aunts and uncles and cousins have been sending emails looking for updates. But we really have no new information. Still, it's nice to see everyone so excited. Because when you're as excited as we are, it's nice to have other people sharing in it.