12/31/2010

It's the End of the Year As We Know It

And I do, in fact, feel fine.

However, as I ruminate about the possibility of actually making some New Year's Resolutions, I find myself rapidly heading back toward my usual stance on them, which is to say, not making them. Because last year I caved and I set some, and hmm, let's see...oh that's right, big old F on all of them. Fail. Fail. Fail. Were there extenuating circumstances? Sure, but still...nothing is quite like New Year's Resolutions to give you the one-two punch to the ol' self-esteem. Which is, I think, the exact opposite of what they're meant to do.

I know there's the whole "Shoot for the moon! Even if you miss, you'll still end up among the stars" philosophy, but in reality, when I shoot for the moon and miss, it ends up more like a game of hearts.

Thus, this year there will be no resolutions. I will, however, endeavor to continue my progress in the direction of things that I'd like to change. The weight loss plan will continue and, hopefully, one of these days my body might actually decide to behave like a normal human body and let go of some of the weight. I will continue to exercise every day, and possibly try to ramp up the duration and weight elements thereof. I will continue to delude myself that I'm going to graduate with the PhD - with the hope that that delusion becomes reality in the summer. (So far all is still on schedule for that, so fingers crossed!) And I will continue to write, even though I can't quite bring myself to believe that I'll ever actually do anything with the finished product.

Most of all, I will be ok with where I am. In fact, if I had to make any resolution at all for the upcoming year, it would be along those lines - that I would learn to be ok with who I am today. Not who I used to be. Not who I wish I could become. But who I am at this very moment in time. Because whether I know the reasons behind it or not, here is where God has put me. And there's probably a lot I can learn if I'll get out of the way.

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