On Friendship

Friendship is something I have struggled with my entire life. Seems odd - being friends just seems to be a natural thing to most people. And honestly, I think I'm a pretty good friend to people if you consider typical "qualifications" of friends -- at least, I would like to find friends like me. (Wow. That sounds full of myself. I don't mean it quite that way. Quite.)

The majority of people that I have considered friends in my life tend to all turn out to be backstabbing biotches. I guess I should qualify that -- the females I have considered friends. I've never had trouble making male friends. Or keeping male friends. Or getting along with male friends. Why is it that guys just don't put their friends through the BS that girls do? In fact, I should preface (can you have a preface in the middle of something?) this whole conundrum with the fact that I am referring only to same-sex friendship. I still keep in touch with male friends from high school (eons ago though that was), college (slightly fewer eons) and former jobs. All with no issues. No pretensions. No fights over things that are so inconsequential that I didn't even realize it was an issue...none of the B.S.

Back to the issue. I have alluded previously to my best on-again-off-again friend all through jr and sr high school. We even managed to be friends through her first marriage and the first 4 years of my marriage...then she decided to get divorced for no good reason I could see. And, doing what I though friends should do, I tried to point out where I thought she was making missteps. She hasn't spoken to me since. And, truth be told, I imagine she burns me in effigy two or three times a year. In college...I just pretty much couldn't make friends with any females. Had some acquaintainces who, every now and then, drop me a Christmas card. Nothing lasting though. And now...well...now I find myself essentially back in the land of wondering why they never call.

Take for example my, I thought, best friend currently. She just had a baby. So she's busy, I know this. I check in with her every three or so days cause I don't want to be pain but I also want her to know that I'm around if she needs anything. So Monday I called, she was busy and said she'd call me back. No worries there - life happens! It's Wednesday night. No call. If this was the first time, I'd be less likely to think about it -- but it's not...and many of them were pre-baby. So, am I just the desperate hanger-on who can't take a hint and doesn't get the fact that she really doesn't like me so I get pity every now and then when I bug her into it? Or am I just so relationally inept when it comes to members of my own sex that I can't understand?

Now, I know I'm going to sound like a guy here but seriously...I don't get women. And now...I don't know if I should call her or not. I don't want to be that desperate wanna-be friend. But I also don't want to be the vindictive biotch who gets bent out of shape because life happened and you forgot to call. It's not like we're dating.