So, I was perusing my undergrad alumni magazine yesterday - I love all the newsy bits at the back. I like to scan for names I recognize (let alone people I knew) and see who got married, had a kid, did something worthy of writing the school about, etc. I always look at the death notice part but hope that I don't see names I recognize there. So far that's worked out, though we knew a lot of folks who were in ROTC (as Tim was) so that could always change.
Anyway, as I flipped through the rest of the articles, I stumbled across a one-page spotlight on someone I actually knew. He was on my brother floor freshman year (don't know if every college does this, but the girls floors "team up" with a guy's floor in the same dorm and do stuff every now and again), his sister was our RA and he dated and eventually married one of the girls in the suite across the hall. We actually had some interesting conversations and, while I wouldn't say he was a friend, he was a closer acquaintance than just another name I recognize, if that makes sense. So I read through the little spotlight and sheesh...talk about feeling like an underachiever. He's completed his PhD, collaborated on 3 books in his field and is finishing up his first solo book, and is a tenured professor at a university that, while not Harvard or an Ivy, is a well-known school all around, not just in little circles. Add to that, he and his wife now have 5 kids under the age of 6. (On that score, I kind of hope there are some twins involved, but it's certainly not beyond the realm of possibility that there aren't.)
I don't know that it's jealousy. I don't really want what he has - well, except for maybe the kids angle of things - but it's difficult (for me) to see people I knew doing amazingly extraordinary things when I live a very, supremely ordinary life. And I'm happy with my life - I have so many amazing blessings on a personal level, and (again, apart from the whole kid thing) there's really nothing I would change about my personal life. But my professional life? To describe it in one word, I guess I'd use either "disappointment" or "disaster". And that frustrates me.
I can analyze the heck out of it and come up with some of the reasons for it, but at the end of the day I'm still left with the inner conflict of being annoyed with myself for comparing myself to other people and letting it affect me and frustrated with how insignificant my life is in the overall scheme of things.
Do other people struggle with this? Or is it just me?
9 hours ago
Beth - I struggle with this alot. I didn't finish my degree, I chose to start my family. So when I get the Alumni letters from my college, I feel like a failure compared to all the glorious things others have done with their lives. This last Thanksgiving was Homecoming for the class I should have graduated with. I was sitting at a coffee house with my friends when all these people walk in I knew from college! I say Hi and ask what they are doing here? They are here for Homecoming and why aren't I there? I didn't graduate is my lame-o answer and I get the usual "Oh.....Well I'ts nice to run into you anyway!"
ReplyDeleteI guess my career has become raising my family. While it's not glorious, it feels good to me. I love my children and I enjoy working in my Husband's company. But I still get that nagging feeling sometimes that maybe I should have finished my degree. BUt if I had, I wouldn't have my children. So, to quote my Sister, it is a Big Trade Off. (Her blog is "The Big Trade Off")
Sometimes when you talk to those overachievers, they're missing out on what's really important in life. Spending time with your family. Relaxing. Enjoying life instead of working from one deadline to the next.
ReplyDeleteI'd say you guys are doing pretty darn well. :)