In Stereo(type) Where Available

What is it that compels us to perpetuate stereotypes? Especially gender stereotypes? I'm getting very tired of it. Tired of seeing it. Tired of realizing that, by and large, I don't fit into them, and that, frankly speaking, because I don't tend to fit into them, I am judged accordingly and will never truly fit in with people of my same gender.

Latest case in point is my Sunday School class. Now, lest I portray them incorrectly, let me say that while we're actually IN Sunday School, there is really no discrimination as to who speaks, who's allowed to contribute or have insight or teach the class, etc. etc. etc. It's a very even handed, non-gender biased class. However, and this is a big however to me, when it comes to fellowship activities, the stereotypes come out of the shadows.

First off, why is it that churches encourage fellowship groups to be same sex? Yeah, there are the occasional couples activities, but why is there such an emphasis on Bible study groups and fellowship get togethers being grouped by gender? I don't think in this instance they're trying to say that men should only learn from other men - our class every Sunday definitely contradicts that theory. I had one pastor explain to me that he encouraged it because people could be more open in same sex groups. This, to me, is a rather horribly wrong generalization. Sure, it may be true for some. But it sure isn't for me. I would seriously rather discuss any topic - and I really do mean any topic - with either a mixed group or a group that's primarily male than with a group that is primarily female. But ok, fine. Let's go with that assumption and let it explain why Bible studies (where you might get into discussions of a personal nature) are typically grouped by gender.

What does that have to do with fellowship time? This is just hanging out, making friends, getting together time. And it leads to the perpetuation of stereotypes. For instance, let's return to my class. The men get together every other week to play poker. Now I'm assuming that they converse while they're playing, but it probably doesn't get into deep discussions of their feelings, unless it's the pent up frustration they have that they are perpetually dealt cruddy cards. I don't think the poker group turns into sobbing, hugging, emoting time for the guys. It's just a fun activity. What do the women do?

We have a book club.

Now I love to read. I adore reading. A book club is not necessarily a bad thing. Except that, being a women's book club, people seem predisposed to recommend what is, essentially, women's fiction. Again, I read the occasional romance novel. Not necessarily a bad thing. But this is Christian women's fiction. Which bascially to me is about equivalent with the plot line of the recipe on the back of the Bisquick box. So ok, we'll push that aside and go ahead with the idea that this is a good fellowship activity for women, and we'll refrain from asking why we can't just get together and play poker too, and we'll go to the book club discussion. And we'll find that pretty much no one read the book. So after a while, a suggestion is made that since people don't want to read the book, we should do something else. And what's suggested? Watching a chick flick. This is how it's phrased. Not "let's watch movies". No. It's "let's watch chick flicks".

First off, Tim will watch chick flicks with me when I'm in the mood to watch them. He does this without much badgering, mostly because it's a very rare occasion when I want to watch something that is so chick flick-y that there's not anything in there for him to enjoy. More often than not, when I want to watch a movie, it's an action or adventure or mystery of some sort. So maybe I lucked out in the hubby department (well, I know I did, but I guess this is one more way), but really - who wants to sit around and watch girly movies with people on a regularly scheduled basis.

So I counter offered that maybe we should just get together at a coffee shop and talk, since that's what this always degrades into. Or do a little tour of restaurants for dessert - you know, a chance to try different desserts that you usually don't order if you go there for dinner too. Well, this degrades into a discussion of how that way people can bring their knitting or other hand work with them. And while, in my heart, I wanted to ask, "What are we? 90?" I do crochet and had intended to bring it along. But it just seems so....old lady to have planned corporate knitting times.

But what I don't understand is why I felt like I couldn't even posit what I really wanted to suggest. Because what I wanted to say is "Hey, why don't we play poker too? Then at some point toward the end of the year we can have an all class tournament where the girls might kick some serious poker p'tootie and it'd be a fun couples game night. But I didn't ask, because the last time someone suggested the gals get together to play cards too - the game suggested was Rook. Is Rook more feminine than poker? Is there something wrong with women playing poker? Is this the same reason that we have dogs at cards painted for posterity but the more feminine cats at canasta got lost?

So I guess what I really need is a primer of appropriate activities for women to engage in so that I don't make these kinds of hideous thought faux pas any more. Because I'm seriously tempted to try and organize a day of women's paintball, just to see what would happen.