So far behind, I'm ahead

We have 8 - count them, 8 - hours of 24 on the DVR. I am thankful each week that I'm not a cat - because I would be a Rolling Stones Cat*.

So, because of this, I have decided to post my recap of next week's episode of 24. There may be spoilers in here, I'm not sure, if there are, I apologize. I may inadvertantly include characters who have already been killed off. (This is entirely your own fault since you failed to post a good enough spoiler summary indicating their demise. I'm 8 hours behind, I only have your summaries to go by!) But please wait to flog me until next Tuesday.

The following will take place between 4:00AM and 5:00AM - (on the day that President Logan is a wussie weenie and needs to die.) (Am I the only one that misses the "On the day of the California Presidential Primary" from season 1?)

4:00AM Sexual harassment chick has been watching Miles like a hawk and sees him leaning too close to Chloe (on whom she has developed a little bit of a non-sexual girl crush, because she's just too cool) and starts screaming to Bill and Granny and anyone else who'll listen that he's giving Chloe the "bad touch". Chloe shoots her the patented "You're SUCH a moron" look. Bill goes to investigate and Chloe realizes that the decoy tape she had sitting next to her has been wiped clean.

4:03AM Jack is in the infirmary, administering a lethal injection to Audrey for being stupid, irritating, and annoying. The ghosts of Michelle and Tony look on (like in the Ewok Village where the ghosts of dead Jedi look on and smile at the Ewok revelry.) and smile, applauding and giving Jack two thumbs up.

4:04AM Chloe runs into Jack in the hallway and tells him that Miles took the bait and their delicious plot to catch him as the bad guy has worked, the cameras caught him trying to demagnetize the one-and-only copy of the tape. They agree to keep this secret and go to break the bad news to Granny and Bill that the only copy of the recording has been erased.

4:05AM At the Presidential retreat, President Wussyboy is putting his gun away and stops, a wicked gleam in his eye. He tucks it in his pocket instead and goes in to see Martha. They argue some more. A struggle ensues as he attempts to shoot her and she ends up shooting him in the thigh. The gunshot brings the Secret Service running, as well as Clueless Mike.

4:15AM Jack and Chloe haven't told anyone that they know Miles is behind the erasure. Granny blames Chloe for incompetence. Bill defends her but is visibly frustrated that their key piece of evidence is now gone. Word comes up from the infirmary that Audrey has been killed. No one really cares. Bill asks Jack what the next step is to try and bring justice to the situation. Granny wonders if they should include Miles in the conversation. Chloe and Jack both yell no at the same time and then try to backpeddle somewhat to keep Granny from being too curious. Bill catches on that something else is up and makes up an excuse to talk to Chloe in the server room.

4:20AM In the server room, Chloe explains the situation to Bill, adding on that she finds his silver hair mighty attractive and, should they make it through the day, is there any possibility that they might have a drink. Bill agrees then continues trying to figure out what they're going to do. Chloe explains that she knows Miles is the one who erased the tape. Bill wants to storm out and beat him to a pulp, Chloe convinces him not to, saying "Jack has a plan."

4:22AM Chloe and Bill rejoin Grandma and Jack in the conference room when they get notification that President Logan has been shot. There's confusion until it's clarified that it was only a flesh wound and he's now "feeling much better!"

4:23AM Miles, hiding in a dark hallway, is whispering to Logan on the phone. Logan quickly hangs up when Clueless Mike comes in the room to discuss what should be done about Martha - since she's clearly a danger to herself and others. Logan nods, slowly - like a broken bobblehead doll - and says he doesn't want to commit her, he's sure it's just a misunderstanding. Mike then asks why the Wuss-in-Chief was walking around with a gun anyway. Logan says that with all the terrorist activity going on today he was feeling scared and vulnerable and wanted a little protection, in case the Secret Service should be unable to get there fast enough - since they clearly keep such a wide berth around him that they haven't picked up on his nefarious plotting. Mike tells Wussyboy that that's taking it a little far and that he should probably not be packing heat. Logan agrees and puts the gun away in his desk.

4:28AM Jack and Chloe concot a story that will allow Jack to take Curtis and a team out to investiate a lead without alerting Miles to the fact that they're on to him. Chloe installs a monitoring program on Miles' machine and phone so they can keep tabs on him. Bill gets Grandma to finally acknowledge that in such a high-security location as CTU it's probably not a good thing to allow personal cell phones at work stations and the guards go around collecting all the cells - even Miles' - to try and cut down on leaks. Miles starts to resist but then gives in because he doesn't want to show his hand too soon and he's getting the fish eye from Grandma. Secretary Devane calls to talk to Audrey and is informed she's dead. He asks to speak to Bill and asks how this happened. Bill says, "Do you really care?" Devane says, "Not so much." They agree to let it rest. Jack leaves with the team to follow their new lead.

4:29AM In the car, Jack fills Curtis in on the facts that Miles is dirty, no one cares that Audrey is dead, and that Logan is a wuss - and oh yeah, a traitor. Curtis absorbs this in his "too manly for words" way that he has about him and then asks what they're going to do to prove Logan's ickiness. Jack says he doesn't know yet but that he's working on it. In the mean time, Jack tells Curtis to head toward the Presidential Retreat.

4:32AM Martha has been placed under guard. Aaron convinces the agents guarding her that he can handle it from here and they go back about their (relatively pathetic) business of ignoring the fact that the President is a moron and a traitor. Aaron and Martha whisper together trying to figure out what they can do to topple the regime of riduculousness that has been revealed. Martha wants to divorce the wussyboy, Aaron advises her against that action, saying that for now she's more valuable working against him from the inside. Martha asks if they can trust Mike. Aaron isn't sure, given past history, but in the end they decide that he needs to know. Otherwise they're not going to be able to do anything about it. Aaron asks the other agents to find Mike and have him come to Martha's holding rooms.

4:40AM Mike arrives and is filled in by Martha and Aaron. He knew something was weird but couldn't figure it out. He doesn't seem overly surprised. Martha wonders why not. Mike says it's because wussyboy has been acting oddly all day. Martha wonders how he could see a difference. Everyone gets a good laugh then goes back to serious plotting. Mike suggests they leak a story to the media. This seems like a good idea - Mike heads off to put the plan in action.

4:45AM Jack and Curtis arrive just outside the presidential retreat. Jack's cellphone rings - it's Mike calling to see if Jack knows about Logan being dirty. Jack says he does and that they have proof but that they can't use it because the wussyboy President thinks it's already been destroyed by his man inside CTU. Mike says he and Martha and Aaron want to leak a story to the press to get public furor going. Jack wonders if this will work since it's clear that the Pres is a democrat and the media has a hard time being hard on anyone who has leftist leanings. Mike says they have to try but that yes, Jack's right, it would be so much easier if the guy was a republican. Jack tells him that he and Curtis are outside the compound and asks what they can do to help. Mike thinks that Martha may be in danger so he wants them to get her and Aaron out of there and to someplace safe so that the Chief-Wuss can't do anything harmful if he finds out about their plot. Jack calls Chloe and tells her about the plan and asks her to upload schematics to his PDA. Chloe says she'll try but she's getting darn tired of always uploading schematics and is it so much to ask for someone to say please once in a while? Jack apologizes and says that now that Audrey's out the way, what about a drink sometime. Chloe says thanks, but no, Jack's not old enough, she's more interested in Bill. Jack is a little heartbroken and wonders aloud if he shouldn't have killed Audrey. Chloe and Curtis both assure him that it had to be done and was the right course of action.

4:50AM Jack and Curtis are sneaking around on the retreat (where the rest of the team is, no one knows, probably out being clueless with the secret service agents). They find Martha and Aaron and explain the situation. The four of them begin to make their way back out to the CTU vehicle hidden in plain sight on a service road.

4:52AM Bill and Grandma meet with Miles trying to come up with a plan. Miles keeps shooting down their ideas. Bill wonders how obtuse Grandma really is that she isn't seeing this. Chloe signals to Bill from her desk and he excuses himself to go talk to Chloe. Miles accuses Grandma of treason and explains that he is in contact with the President and that not supporting him isn't her call because she's a Federal employee and therefore bound to do whatever the President orders. Grandma says her loyalty is to the country first and that Logan's should be as well but it clearly isn't or he wouldn't have instigated this whole affair. They argue, Miles pulls a gun. Grandma calls security and has him taken to holding. Miles goes kicking and screaming about loyalty and treason. Bill suggests that Grandma wait to have him interrogated until Jack can do it. Grandma, Chloe and Sexual Harassment girl all agree that this is a good idea.

4:59AM Ticking montage of: Jack, Curtis, Aaron and Martha sneaking back to the truck. Miles being shoved roughly into holding with the door slamming ominiously, Mike talking to a reporter on the phone, and the Wuss-in-Chief pacing around his office.

*(Allow me to de-obscure: "Curiosity killed the cat. Satisfaction brought him back." "I can't get no....satisfaction..." So...I would be the dead cat with no more lives. See?)