Dancing with the...who?

When I heard that Dancing With the Stars was going to be on in the fall, I was psyched. Many of you witnessed my obsession this past season and I was all set for that obsession to resume - and I wasn't going to have to wait until January as I'd previously thought! And then I read the line up.

First up - Tucker Carlson. They say he's a news anchor for MSNBC. Now, I may have MSNBC on my satellite somewhere, but seriously...he's a news anchor. This automatically means I have no idea who he is (much like Stacy being a wrestler ruled her out for me.) More to the point though, since when are news anchors stars? Sure, if you're Tom Brokaw or Dan Rather or Barbara Walters (as much as I dislike all 3 of them) and you've become an institution, to the point that your name is synonymous with a particular network or program, then ok, you're a star. Everyone else? You're all just news anchors, much like your local DJ is just a DJ and not a star like Kasey Kasem. (Go ahead and sing, "Countin' down the hits..." ) Is this guy at least cute? Can't tell you - ABC didn't put pictures next to the bios on their announcement (and I'm too lazy/disinterested to go google). What up with that?

Next, Monique Coleman. Apparently she's a teen idol from, and I quote, "Disney's smash hit High School Musical." Um. Doesn't the general population of the country need to at least have name recognition before something can be a "smash hit"? You know, like Les Miserables or Phantom of the Opera or The Producers? Those were smash hits. Just because Disney produced it doesn't make it a smash hit - have you people all forgotten Mulan? Oh, that's right, you absolutely have.

Then we have Sara Evans, who is (and I quote again) "Country Music Award-winning and top-selling singing sensation." So, what I think they're saying, is that to me, she might as well be a news anchor.

After that, Willa Ford. Now that name is marginally familiar. There's a little bell ringing in the back of my mind, but I'm not sure if it's because of her or because of Willa Cather, who is a really great author (if you haven't read My Antonia or Death Comes for the Archbishop, you simply must!) Ms. Ford, it seems, is a self-proclaimed bad-girl of pop - seeking, I imagine, to firmly establish herself as a rebel amongst all those good-girls of pop. You know. Brit - no. Christi - no, not her either. Um. Jess - nope, not her either. Hm. New novel marketing idea! Find someone who really want's to be the good girl of pop who can actually sing and dance (Sorry, Hillary, you may be angling for good girl, but you don't have the chops.)

Then there's Vivica A. Fox. I've heard of her. I think I will recognize her when I see her. Of the list thus far I think she's the first to really qualify as a "star".

Next up, Harry Hamlin. This is Lisa Renna's husband. And, while I don't know who he is (they say he was on L.A. Law - how many eons ago was that?) I really liked Lisa last season and so I'm rooting for him. He's got the same dance partner as Master P had last season and that makes me happy, cause if Harry tries half as hard as Lisa did, then at least this season that poor girl will have a partner worth having vs. Master P"athetic".

And then there's Joe "I grew out of Joey, dang it" Lawrence. And all that needs to be said is that ABC could only come up with the following to say about him, "Actor and former teen heartthrob." Yeah, that's a claim to fame. Was this the guy with the cute dimples?

Mario Lopez gets almost as exciting a blurb as Joe(y) - though actually Joe(y)'s might be better, cause Mario only gets "Actor and TV host." Um, TV host of what? Is this a euphemism for someone who stars in infomercials? "Hi, I'm Mario Lopez, and for the next 90 minutes, I'll be your host as you learn about the amazing fat-burning power of..."

Shanna Moakler is the next dancer - had her recently announced separation from the singer she married and then did an MTV reality show with not been in the news today, I would have no idea who she is. Is married to someone famous the same as being someone famous yourself? (Side note: why do people not recognize that doing an MTV reality show about your family/marriage is the best way to head down the path to divorce?)

Next up? Emmit Smith. Football guy - guess they have to have one every season now since the other dude did so well last season. At least he deserves the title "star" - what are we up to now as far as stars go, 2?

Finally, we finish up with someone who just proves that this is going to be a classy, classy season. Jerry Springer. Yeah, he probably qualifies as a star, but seriously, they've got to find a new barrel to get contestants, cause the bottom of this one is officially scraped.