Please Blogger, Don't Taunt 'Em

Dear Blogger,

For several months now you have been touting the new and improved excellentness of Blogger Beta. You've indicated that select special people were even now switching and testing it out and that soon - soon! - the average Jane blogger would be able to experience the greatness for herself.

I have waited patiently. Carefully reading over all the new features and drooling, just a little, every time I get to labels. Labels! I can't tell you how many times the lack of labels has almost pushed me over the edge to finding a new home for this little blog. Each time I reel myself back because, well, I love my blog address. And people know where to find me. And change...change is hard. (And possibly damaging to your health, the scientists are still researching that one, but seriously, I am totally in favor of the "better safe than sorry" idea when it comes to my health.) But still...Labels! I have already mentally created a list of categories I would use - and they're clever. I'm telling you, they make me chuckle.

The other day I logged in and Lo! And! Behold! I could switch! There was my invitation. Finally, I could be part of the in crowd and label posts to my little heart's content. I studiously backed up my blog (because, well, let's be honest here, Blogger. You're not known for how well you treat people's stuff sometimes and I just didn't want huge boxes getting damaged or lost in the move) and then went through your little dance to switch to the New! and Improved! Blogger Beta. When it was all said and done, you stuck out your tongue (and really, dude, you need to work on the saliva issue you've got going on), put your fingers in your ears and splattered the largest raspberry yet known to man while imparting the detail that I couldn't switch. It took me a few minutes, but I believe you invited me...and then basically shut the door in my face when I showed up. (And really, how do you know I didn't bring brownies with me? Cause I make a mean brownie. But you may never know that.)

When I pounded on the door and demanded an explanation, brandishing my invitation at the peephole, you simply shouted through the door that I was too big. Too big!? Despondent at the image of my oh-so-clever filing system slipping through my fingers yet again after I had been thisclose, your mom ran after me and let me know that you were working on ways to handle larger blogs but that with almost 700 posts, well, what was I expecting? But really, that doesn't help all that much, cause those labels? I really want them.

So after that experience I thought we had agreed that you would wait to invite me again until you could, you know, handle the density of my content. And yet, what should appear when next I logged in? That's right, another invite. Ever hopeful, I showed up again only to be turned away at the door.

Well that's not happening a third time, buddy. I saw your invitation again today and I'm not buying. I know you're just fooling around, sitting behind your front door and laughing as the big blogs waddle up with their invitations, all excited about the prospect of labels and such, while you let all the little skinny blogs in with no question. Well, all I have to say to you is that you're missing out. Cause this big blog? Yeah it has a lot to offer. There's more of it to love, dang it.

Sincerely,
A big blog that wants labels, dang it!