Thursday Theological Thinking

I've been ruminating on the whole "apologies are worthless" thing for the past couple of days. I really thought I had gotten over it and moved on, but apparently not. The thing is, apologies have a lot of spiritual significance and that in and of itself makes them a worthwhile undertaking, because like it or not we're going to go through life stepping on other people's toes and doing or saying things that have an impact on other people beyond what we imagine or intend. No one is so perfect that they will never inadvertantly hurt someone - and when we do, then it becomes critical that we apologize.

Why is it critical? Because it mirrors our behavior with God and it helps us become a reflection of Him. One of the tenets of Christianity is that when we sin we must confess that sin and seek forgiveness from God in order to restore our relationship with Him. This is an ongoing activity. Certainly salvation - the initial act of forgiveness that seals our eternity with God - is a one time thing (I'm Baptist enough to firmly believe that you can't lose your salvation), but that doesn't mean that we cease to sin or that we cease to seek God's forgiveness. The process is the same no matter where in your spiritual journey you are - it's as simple as 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." God's forgiveness isn't given until we ask for it - He doesn't force it on us but also, He desires that we see and recognize our wrongdoing and earnestly repent of it. At that point, forgiveness is willingly and lovingly given - but not until then, even though it sorrows Him. What is confession and repentance if not an apology?

Thus, if heartfelt apology is a crucial aspect of our relationship with Christ, why would it not be also a crucial part of our relationship with others? By acknowledging, confessing and repenting of the harm we do to others - and making them aware of it through an apology, we seek to reclaim the relationship. The flip side of this is another aspect of our relationship with people that lets us mirror our relationship with God, and that's forgiveness. And I truly believe that when someone apologizes to you, if you withhold forgiveness you are in sin. (Think through the Lord's prayer - we ask to be forgiven in the same manner we forgive others. So what happens if we harbor unforgiveness in our hearts?)

Does a heartfelt apology make it better? Not always. The offense may have long lasting consequences that both sides must still bear, just as when we sin we still must bear consequences even after receiving God's forgiveness. Does an apology always heal the relationship? With people again the answer is no (thankfully with God the answer is always and resoundingly yes!) - you can forgive people and still choose to end the relationship for reasons of mental or physical health and well being. But if you do that, it needs to be done with a forgiving heart so that you're not carrying or sowing bitterness. (Of course, forgiveness shouldn't be dependent on an apology when dealing with personal relationships and clearly since this subject is bugging me so much it's an area where I need to focus more prayer and effort. But that's a post for another day.)