Back to the Drawing Board

When I was first considering going back to school for a PhD, one of the main things that I wanted to ensure was that I had some sort of idea about what I would do for my dissertation prior to enrolling. I know that many people will feel that's silly and assert that there's plenty of time to come up with an idea while you're doing your coursework. Those people would, by and large, be correct. But at the same time, given my enjoyment of organized things and maps that take you from point A to point B with at least some semblance of a route between the two, I knew for my own personal sanity that it would be better if I had a rough idea of the end game before kickoff time. And so it was that I put off even serious contemplation of a PhD until such time as I had some vague idea that would be feasible.

Then I found an idea and batted it around and decided that it had potential. And the rest, they say, is history. I even tailored many of my coursework requirements toward the same topic area of my putative dissertation with the idea that the research required would do double duty and be time very well spent. So at the beginning of this semester, I approached the professor I though would be best for my particular idea and we chatted and I put together an idea paper and he looked at it, requested one change and then said he was going to run it by two other professors who he hoped would fill out the remainder of my committee. That was in October.

When I was in Florida this past weekend, I asked him about the other professor's responses. Turns out, he had forgotten to even talk to them. He had, apparently, forgotten that he was working with me. I understand, to some degree, he had some personal issues crop up in mid-October...but still. So he promised that he would look at it right away and get back to me. To be fair, he did. But whereas in early October he thought the idea paper was good and ready to be looked at by others, this go round he has decided that he's not sure the idea has any merit at all. It's the same paper. And I'm confused.

Some of the suggestions he made are easy enough to fix - but some of them are rather insurmountable in my estimation. And one of his comments made me question if I even understand what a dissertation study is supposed to be like since he indicated that comparing a treatment group to a control is not an acceptably unique study, no matter how unique the treatment is. This seems incorrect to me, but...whatever. So I emailed him asking for clarification and a gut feeling about whether or not he thought the idea at its base has merit or if I should scrap it now and just start looking for a new idea. Because, you see, it's now nearly the end of my last semester of coursework and I'm loathe to spend the money enrolling in my first semester of dissertation without something concrete to work on. If I'm going to be looking for an idea, I can defer for a semester, spend that time looking at ideas having spent only $50 rather than $5000, and come back in a semester to try and start the process. (Of course, if I defer I can't interact with professors during that time - but if I have no idea I don't know what I'd need to interact with them for anyway.)

I'm incredibly frustrated. Not because of the potential that this idea isn't worthwhile - that's fine - but I'd've preferred he tell me that in October, or heck, in September when I first explained it to him in his office. Because now I've lost time that I could've spent trying to come up with alternatives. And I have a feeling he's going to say that I should revise my idea paper - which will take time I just don't have immediately at hand - and that then, with revised idea paper in hand, several more weeks or months will pass and he'll still ultimately reject it. And it's this situation exactly that I was trying to avoid when I waited to enroll in a PhD program until I had the beginnings of an idea. Ah the joys of the best laid plans.