Fashionably Unfashionable

So I ordered the shoes. Then Gwynne mentioned Danskos, and I looked and they were cute, so I ordered a pair of them as well. And they both came on Friday and I hated the ones I thought I'd like and love the Danskos. Gwynne rocks! (Could you please become my personal shopper?)

But of course, with new shoes comes a need for new jeans, because even with the extra height on Danskos my current jeans are just simply too long. So Saturday while the boys were at GameStop, I snuck over to look at jeans. I do believe the fashion designers simply want normal people to kill themselves en masse.

First off...what up with all the pocket bedazzling these days? I thought bedazzling was a short-lived fad of the early 90s. But holy sparkle, Batman, you can't find jeans without something on the butt unless you are looking at mom jeans. (And there's nothing wrong with mom jeans, but being short waisted, the high waisted nature of mom jeans does not work on my body. Also, they're kinda ugly.) Also? Boot cut on short people, not the best option out there. (Sadly, I ended up with boot cut because apparently a normal leg doesn't exist anymore either.)

Next up: the skinny jean. Seriously people, the skinny jean is only marginally attractive on stick people. Please explain to me why anyone would decide it's a good idea to make a skinny jean in a size 32W. If you are wearing a 32W, one hopes you understand that you do not qualify as "skinny" and thus should not be trying to shove yourself into something that uses that adjective as part of it's name.

However! If the skinny jean is just not form fitting enough for you, they now also have....the "jegging". Yes, ladies and gents...leggings made out of stretch denim. Also available in size 32W, in case you've ever wondered exactly what a manatee in jeans looks like.

And here's the thing - I'm fat. Not a size 32W, but not down in the low numbers either. And most ladies who pass a 16 or so realize that making what the waifs in Paris wear in a larger size does not translate to attractive. But is it too much to ask for there to be something between that and the all-purpose caftan? You know...normal clothes?

Until then, I guess I'll be the chunky short girl in the boot cut mom jeans with Danskos.


Gwynne said...

I'm glad you love them! They are so comfortable straight out of the box. Good thing about Zappos is the free shipping on returns, eh? What color/style did you get?

Completely agree with you on the jeans dilemma...I've resigned myself to Walmart jeans, so at least I know I'm not wasting good money on something that is only functional, not the least bit flattering. I also like Eddie Bauer jeans...have you tried them?

beth said...

Yes, free return shipping rocks!

I got black professional...um, the "pull up leather". Which is to say not oiled or patent. :)

I'm also now thinking that I'll get these for a slightly dressier look. You know, when I go to Target instead of Wal-Mart. :)

Gwynne said...

Heh, cant go wrong with black. But if you ever think you might go shopping at K-mart, you might order a really dressy pair, like the patent leopard print. ;-)