5/04/2011

Is It Giving Up?

A friend of mine will be having a little boy at the end of the summer and I find myself thinking that I should box up some (or most) of the clothes from the doodle from his first year and pass them along to her. And at the back of my mind is the niggling question: Does that mean I've given up on a second child?

In many ways, no. My instant response is that even if we get another placement, there's no guarantee that it'll be a boy. Couple that with the fact that, at least right now, we're in a much better financial situation than my friend and thus well able to replace anything that needs replacing and, well, passing things along seems like the right thing to do.

But on the other hand? I think maybe some of the answer is, honestly, yes. We'll have been waiting for a placement for two years come August, with only one nibble. And while in the overall scheme of things, that's not all that long, it does mean there's only one more year on our homestudy (and yes, the mental gymnastics of whether or not we should renew it when it's expired have already started whirling in my brain) and none of us are getting any younger. I don't really want there to be six years between the kiddo and his sibling. Nor do I want to be a 42 year old mother of a newborn. I know that many people do it and do it well - but the thought of being in my 60s when my child graduates from college is hard to fathom.

At the end of the day, what I'm striving for is to rest in the knowledge that God is sovereign. And so if He chooses to give us another child, He will, in His time. And if that means that the kiddo is six and I'm older than I wanted to be, then He'll show me how to roll with it. And we can buy new onesies if that's what we need to do. In the mean time, my friend could use the clothes.

2 comments:

Rachel said...

Hey Beth,
I don't think it's giving up. It's helping a friend in need. After all you aren't saying God can't do it - you are just saying that you are not in need of these things at the present time and if God blesses you in this way before she's finished with the things, then you will replace it.
Rach.

Jen said...

Definitely not giving up! If you are feeling prompted to give the clothes to your friend, then you should. It could be that is what God is wanting you to do for now. It doesn't mean that He doesn't plan for you to have another child.

As to the idea of being an old Mom? I totally get that and I am one! There's a part of me that grieves for my kids when they're in college and they have senior citizen parents. But there's such joy and blessing today that I'll just trust God to take care of things (and them) when we're old.