When is it ok to tell someone they need grooming help? Do you need to be friends first? Or can a casual acquaintance - let's say co-worker with whom you've had maybe 3 minutes of conversation total - point something out? And is it meant nicely or is it picky? If, for example, you have something on your nose, should just anyone point it out, or is it more polite to just pretend you don't notice and hope someone who has some kind of relationship with the person will do so?
Or is there a line? Can anyone point out something that might be potentially embarassing (e.g. a half-exposed booger) but comments on bad hairstyles and clothes reserved for those who know the person better? But isn't a bad hairstyle just as potentially embarassing as a booger? (Or perhaps even more embarassing since just about everyone will notice the bad hairstyle but it takes an eagle-eye in most situations to notice the booger.)
My vote? I vote that if you don't know the person very well, just pretend you don't notice. And then, if you know someone who DOES know the person well, let them know so they can go and say something. Chances are good that the person with the 'problem' is going to be more annoyed/embarassed/whatever if you, who barely know them, take it upon yourself to say something than if someone they know says something.
Though I say all that and I am reminded of the guilt that creeps up on me every now and then for not saying something to a former best friend in 8th grade when I noticed that she was having "girl problems" with her white shorts before it was a big embarassing problem...later in the day I saw she had changed into her gym shorts - which pretty much gave away the whole problem to everyone. And even though she had made it very clear that she never wanted to speak to me again, I kind of feel like the right thing to do would've been to say something to her. And I didn't. I did apologize later in life at the point when our friendship was on again. And she said she'd've done the same thing to me. So...I shouldn't feel guilty, but it's hard when you know that you made the conscious decision to do the wrong thing. And felt good about it at the time.
That said, I still kind of think it's a tad rude to just walk up to someone and tell them they have a booger hanging out of their nose and then walk away. Especially if they really don't.
4 days ago
Just to be perfectly clear,
ReplyDeleteI'd rather YOU point out to me any potential problems before they become real problems, and I'd also prefer that you tell me about any real problems i havent noticed rather than ignore it.
--you know who