It's the little things

I am down to only two emails in my inbox. This makes me ridiculously happy. And one of them I can get rid of when a multi-author promo I'm in has finished (soon!) and the other is just instructions on Facebooks ads that I need to read again and make sure I've gleaned the goodies out of.

So. Close.

Eldest boy does not get my joy. He has over 3000 emails in his. He deletes nothing. And, well, given how he also throws nothing away, this tracks. But seeing his inbox gives me anxiety. I couldn't do it. 

Hubby keeps a lot in his inbox, too.

I think it's the ADHD.

Dunno.

Regardless, it was my smile for the morning and I figured y'all were due for something not depressing from me.

Sitting in the Shade

So if you're keeping up, you'll recall that at the end of last school year, I stepped down from heading up Awana at our church owing to many factors, but the primary ones being the treatment of youngest by the children's pastor and then subsequent treatment of me after having objected to said treatment of youngest. It had become a considerably hostile environment, and while it was hard to walk away after ten years (and I enjoyed the bulk of those ten years), it was necessary.

And now, it seems as though the new director takes great joy in tossing some shade into her emails whenever she can. (I only get these emails because eldest really wanted to continue doing Awana and I wasn't going to tell him he couldn't. Even though I really REALLY wanted to. Because I knew this would happen, but I'd hoped I could pretend ignorance to it.)

Today's example was a gloating email about how for "the first time ever!" they were sending a team (of three kids and two adults, but I digress) to the regional competitions.

Y'all.

I tried for ten years with varying degrees of fervor to get us to take teams to these things. The first, say, five years, of my tenure as director were very fervent. I focused on the challenge games, and only the challenge games, during game time. I tried to rally up a quiz team. You know what I never got?

Leader involvement.

And I just didn't have the ability to be the only one dragging people to these activities. (If only because it's not a one-person job.) 

After the first big push, I transitioned to a more laid-back, "Hey. This is happening. It'd be so cool if we could participate! Let me know if you want to help!" 

Crickets.

But oh yes, this is the first year they're sending a team.

(And okay, sure, it is. But not for freaking want of trying. It's also the first year any leaders have been willing to get off their duffs and help so that a team was possible. Let's phrase it that way, shall we?)

The second little bit of shade is "Our Grand Prix is returning this year!"

Like yes. Okay that's a true statement. You know how found the new people to head up the GP? Me. I did that. I had it on the calendar for this year BEFORE I decided to step out. 

And the reason we hadn't had one the past two years (when we'd faithfully had one every year prior?) because it had turned into another "The Beth Show." And I could not continue to carry every single responsibility for the club. I begged for help. 

People even said, "What can I do to help?" But when I told them what I needed, it was too much. I guess they wanted to look good by offering and were hoping I'd say, "Oh I've got it." 

But whatever. I am not in charge any longer. And I am glad that for whatever reason people seem to like this new director better. (This is not a surprise. People generally hate me. Sometimes it takes longer for them to figure out, but it's basically inevitable. I realize I'm the problem. I don't know really how to fix it. I mean I do. But when you start making those kinds of plans, other people decide you need an involuntary medical hold.)

I really, really wish I could convince my family that we needed to find a new church.

Balls in the Air

I feel as though I might have too many balls in the air and it's going to be spectacularly horrible when they all come crashing down.

Because I have that innate sunny optimism, of course. (Because why can't I just believe I'm going to manage amazingly? No idea.)

Of course, hubby says I worry too much. I tell him it's my super power.

Regardless, we've left behind the lazier days of summer and full-on busy-ness has taken over.

It feels appropriate to simply add: may the odds be ever in your favor.

On Catches of the 22 Variety

I head up the Awana at our church. I know I've mentioned this a time or seven before. Generally, I don't mind it. But sometimes it leaves me wanting to bang my head against something super hard until I'm unconscious.

At the start of the school year, we figured a plan that was basically "drive through" to help the kiddos have some sort of normal. It isn't perfect, by any stretch, but it worked well enough. Certainly better than the virtual option that we tried to manage last spring when everyone initially started freaking out about impending doom.

Well, in January--and a little before--there was a marked drop off of the older kids (middle and high school). I get it -- it sucks not to be able to see your friends and interact.

So the children's minister and I put our heads together and came up with options to get those grades back to even closer to normal. There are still some social distancing guidelines in place and so forth, so it's not perfect, but it's improvement.

Yesterday was our first day back to the new regime with those grades. And I thought it went well - my  middle schooler was certainly elated to have time with his friends beyond waving in the hallway. The high school leader said all was well with them.

And then I got an email from the helper in the middle school age class.

Now, to be fair, she's a public school teacher, so she seems definitely to have drunk more deeply from the well of Koolaid. But oh my word. It was a list of infractions that would have made Delores Umbridge proud.

So I chatted briefly with the children's minister, whose MO tends to be "APPEASE AT ALL COSTS!" and I'm ...not really that way. But I was like well, we can make sure they play games outside and sit at tables. That seemed like a reasonable accommodation, given that Delores was asking for way more and also given that socially distanced chairs got moved into pods and if you don't have tables, that's going to keep happening.

So I emailed the leader and he...is displeased.

He basically said no, he wouldn't be doing any of that and why didn't she address it to his face. And that last one, well that's a valid statement because OMG we're grownups. Or we're supposed to be.

So now I'm mulling what the right answer is. Delores said if it doesn't change then she and her son won't be attending and...I mean okay? That's her right to choose that. And maybe that's the right decision--though I do think he needs to at least agree to keep the chairs distanced. Does it probably  matter from a science standpoint? No. The air is circulating so really if you're sitting next to someone vs six feet away, meh. But also it doesn't hurt anyone to do and make it seem as though you take their concerns seriously.

Blergh. There are days I really dislike having to interact with people. Most of those are days that end in y.

The Little Things

 I blog more regularly and am involved in the administration of a group blog of other writers of my ilk. It's mostly fun, if a little too peopley sometimes (because let's be real, you get 25 people involved in something and you're going to routinely have 699 opinions.)

Anyway, we just finished a big giveaway and it fell to me this year to mail out the packages of paperbacks that people had sent to my house. For the past six weeks or so, I've had an enormous stack of books and swag hanging out on my dining room credenza.

Last night, after my sister and I went to dinner at Outback (note to self: Outback still sucks. I don't know why I keep thinking it'll be better next time. It never is. I need to stop going there and giving them ridiculous amounts of money. Because it feels like they've also gotten way more expensive, too.) we swung by the PO to grab some flat rate boxes.

I was in the process of eyeing my calendar and trying to figure out when I could haul them all in and get them shipped this afternoon when I said to myself, "Self, maybe you can print the postage at home."

I've tried it in the past and it never went well, but what the hey, let's give it a look.

Lo and behold, they've made the process less horrific and I was, in fact, able to print out the labels AND schedule pickup at my normal mail pickup time for no extra fee.

So that is much better than hauling them about, I just have to drop them on the porch in the a.m. and call it a day.

All in all, it was a lovely win for the day when the rest of my brain is churning about with the usual ugliness and whatever it is of life at the mo.

Away I Go

Tomorrow I'm off to Vegas for a writing conference.

The closer to arrival I go, the more ambivalent I am about the whole shebang, but everything's paid for and I'll likely have a good time once I'm there and in the middle of it all.

But man. I'm not jazzed right this red hot second about going.

Hubby and the boys are looking forward to man week without mom. Though youngest, at least, is sad and says he'll miss me.

I suspect some of my ambivalence stems from the fact that my sister starts chemo and radiation on Wednesday. That will take place from this week til the first week of January, five days a week. If it works (which we won't really know until March as they wait 2-3 months after finishing before any re-imaging. Or, I guess if she dies we'll know it didn't work) then she has a 60% chance of recurrence within the next two years and if there is a recurrence, usually people die within 18 months.

I don't like the fact that I'll be across the country and completely unable to help. Not that I was really likely to be much help in the first place -- between the boys and the fact that she lives a solid hour away now, my ability to help was small. But it was at least possible.

I feel like a bad sister.

No Good Deed

I know I've mentioned I run the Awana club at our church. It's a great program and, by and large, I get a lot of joy from being part of it.

Last year, the K-2nd grades were just a nightmare. We had too many kids and not enough leaders and every night felt like a marathon of epic proportions. So this year, the children's minister and I talked and decided that we'd only allow kids in based on the number of volunteers that we had so no one was overwhelmed and kids actually got the time and attention they needed.

Minor uproar, but still mostly okay when all was said and done.

And as I communicated the problem to parents etc, we gleaned a few volunteers who were like "What? You need help? I can help."

I barely managed to avoid saying "Duh."

Anyway, two of the new volunteers are from another church who closed their program this year due to lack of volunteers. They're "in charge" in one of the rooms and everyone who passes the room comments on how disorganized and loud it seems in there.

So again the CM and I put our heads together and decide to ask some old pros to come and chat with them a bit about how to organize and run the room to make it go smoothly.

So that happened tonight.

And of course it wasn't well received. She doesn't want help. She doesn't need help. Everything was fine. (Except not everyone was getting a chance to say all of their verses so I'm getting complaints but whatever.)

Sigh.

I am completely unsure why I bother.

Upon the Vernal Equinox

Happy first day of spring!

It's going to be a balmy 50 degrees today (or so they tell me), but the sun is out and the birds are chirping and thus I am inclined to think that spring may in fact be near.

There are multiple places offering free ice cream today. I fully plan for us to take advantage of one of them as soon as hubby gets home from work. Because ice cream.

You'd think, it being a sunny warmish day that I would have thrown the boys outside and told them to run. And they may, in fact, be doing that soon, but right this red hot second? One's playing xbox with a friend (it's said friend's birthday and so he's getting extended play time and well, we don't do it in the middle of the day all that often) and the other, in the interest of "fair" is playing on his tablet. I have my laptop on the couch and the puppy has a chewy alligator that is bound to make his gas defcon five by sundown. But everyone should get some kind of treat for spring.

Once I finish this post, my full intention is to open up the document of my latest book and get to work but ...so unmotivated.

Anyway, that's how we're ringing in spring. There's probably a moral in there somewhere, but I'm too lazy to look for it.

There is a reason I am not a medical professional

A long, long time ago (either in a galaxy far, far away or I can still remember - your choice) I had these dreams of being a pediatrician. I had my high school and college and medical school path all planned out. I read up. I plotted. I schemed.

And then, gradually, I began to realize that I got a little squeamish here and there. Like with blood. And vomit. And that's probably not a super great trait for someone in the medical field.

This morning, my decision to not pursue medicine was validated, yet again, as I glanced at the enormous line of stitches in my scalp and immediately felt the room begin to spin. (Fun fact: This was a good hour ago and my stomach is still rolling greasily.)

I did manage, with great swallowing gulps of air and several minutes of resting my forehead on my knees, to apply Vaseline to the area as instructed by the nurse yesterday. But I'm already dreading having to do it again tomorrow.

Programming languages never do this to you. I'm just saying.

Thoughts On Sexual Harassment, MeToo, and Definitions

So, yesterday, Publisher's Weekly posted this article describing sexual harassment within the Christian publishing industry. As you can probably imagine, with the world of Christian authors, it has set heads spinning and is just about all many of the industry-focused groups can talk about.

A lot of what I'm seeing is shock and horror that this could take place within a Christian setting. And while, yes, it's sad and heartbreaking, because Christians should behave better than those who don't believe, I think it's imperative that people remember that Christians are still broken, fallen human beings, full of sin. The only difference is a commitment to trying to walk as Jesus would have us walk and, when we fail, repenting and seeking the Lord's help to do better. This is the heart of the Gospel, that everyone needs Jesus to forgive their sins -- and it's not a one and done situation. (Would that it were so.) So while yes, it's heartbreaking that this has happened, the fact that it happened in a Christian setting shouldn't be as big a surprise as it seems to be (reference the problems within the Catholic church and/or at Willowcreek for two recent examples of fallen humans who love Jesus doing very very badly by their fellow humans.)

But the whole thing has spun my mind round again to something that plagues me as the mother of boys: what exactly constitutes sexual harassment?

When I look at some of the stories of women who feel they have been harassed, I see them talking about how they were made to feel uncomfortable. And I stop and ask myself, "Really? Is all it takes to ruin someone's livelihood the fact that you were uncomfortable?" Because I'm uncomfortable a lot. Women seem determined to discuss their monthly cycles with me. This makes me more uncomfortable than I can possibly explain. Are they sexually harassing me? Of course not. (I also have a couple of pairs of jeans that make me uncomfortable. Sadly, I can't sue them for sexual harassment either.)

Being made uncomfortable isn't enough, in my opinion, to start throwing around allegations. To me, if you're a woman and you're uncomfortable, you should a) say, "Hey, you know what, this seems inappropriate and I am uncomfortable. Can we change the subject?" and, if that fails, b) go elsewhere.

I can see how, if you do a and nothing changes -- or if in fact the behavior intensifies -- and you're not in a situation where b is possible then okay, yes, lines have been crossed. But again I wonder, is it really sexual harassment?

Then there's the matter of inappropriate. Is inappropriate automatically sexual harassment? I've been guilty of being inappropriate. I've hung around with coworkers (generally male, seeing as they were also software engineers and that is, largely, a male-dominated environment) where talk has turned bawdy. I have made an off-color joke or two. And I have been in situations where jokes crossed the line into uncomfortable and inappropriate and I have, in those situations, made a way to remove myself from it. I don't feel that I've ever experienced sexual harassment. (Discrimination? Yes. But that's a noodle for another day.)

And so I circle back to why I worry about raising boys in the MeToo culture that we currently have. Right now, it feels as if a well-intentioned comment along the lines of, "Wow, you look great today." Can, should the woman on the other end of said comment decide, be turned into a sexual harassment witch hunt. Or trying to squeeze past someone in a crowded room (because honestly, if you want inappropriate and unwanted sexual touching, ride the Metro at rush hour sometime.) But there's no intent there. And that's what I feel like we're not wrapping our heads around. Sexual harassment has to have some level of intent on the part of the perpetrator. But at the same time, "Oh, I didn't mean it." is also not a valid excuse.

I don't really have any solutions. It's a serious problem and needs serious attention. It needs to stop. At the same time, we need to stop looking for it behind every bush and in every shadowed doorway. We need to find a way to determine the true cases from the women (and men) who see it as a way to punish or get revenge on someone. Because that happens, too. But right now, in today's climate, there doesn't seem to be a way to say, "Hey, I take your allegation seriously, but I need to look at both sides and find the truth." without being called a victim shamer. Yes, absolutely, the pendulum used to swing too far on the side of protecting the perpetrator, but swinging too hard to the other side where allegations aren't verified before someone's life is ruined is not the correct response.

It's murky. And hard. And I'm doing everything I can to raise my boys to avoid situations where it'll even be a question. But I worry. And I pray. Because this world? It needs Jesus. Even the people inside the church.

Playing Well With Others

When I got out of the software world, I thought my days of dealing with misogynists were, by and large, over. Apparently no, that is not the case.

I run Awana at our church. It's a Bible memory/discipleship program from ages 2 through high school. So we have a lot of leaders (45 this year, I believe) to handle the ~200 kids who attend. I have no problems with any of my leaders. Except one.

This guy simply refuses to accept that I'm in charge. Now honestly, I try to leave him alone. He knows what he's doing, and he does it well. I try to make sure he knows I'm available if he needs anything but otherwise, I stay out of his hair. I tried, two-ish years ago, to sit down with him and see if we could integrate the high schoolers into the general flow of the club a bit more and that was a disaster. He basically said that I have nothing to offer any aspect of what he does. So fine. Whatever.

The one thing that does have to be integrated is the end of the year awards. Which were tonight. I spend a lot of hours for 2 weeks leading up to the awards getting everything organized and ready in hopes of having the ceremony move quickly and steadily through. So I send out a list of the kids who've completed books and what award they're getting and the order that we'll go through everything in the ceremony. I ask for feedback. I get radio silence.

So okay, great. I get there today three hours ahead of the program to set up. It takes basically all three of those hours. I set the awards out in order so that it's a simple matter of read the name grab the next award.

We go through everything, it's running smoothly, and we get to this guy. This guy who has put his own script together with everyone in a different order, and he's all mad that the awards aren't where they're supposed to be. Except they ARE where they're supposed to be according to what I came up with after no input from him.

So I whisper that hey, you missed some. And he's all "I'm doing this my way."

And it's all I can do not to stand there on the platform at the front of the church and say, "Asshole."

They're Called HOT Lanes Because They Make Your Life Hell

So here in the good old DC Area, they've been transitioning lanes on both Interstates into HOT lanes. For those not in the know (you lucky creatures, you) that stands for High Occupancy/Toll. Which means that you either have to have a specified number of people in your car (the High Occupancy option - 2 or 3, depending on which road you're using) or you pay a Toll. How much toll? Well, that depends on how bad traffic is. The worse traffic gets, the higher the toll.

I'll admit, we didn't pay a whole lot of attention when 495 went this route because it didn't impact us. However, when 95 started implementing them, we paid attention. Our initial thought was that it might not be so bad.

Until recently, there have been HOV lanes on 95 (high occupancy of 3 people required) and the hubs has availed himself of these by slipping into them early in the morning (the HOV part turned on at 6am, so if you got on at 5:30, you could be past the last exit, and therefore able to continue to your destination, by the time HOV clicked on) and repeating the process coming home (they turned on at 3:30 - so again, if you got in by 3:10ish, you would be past the last exit before your destination when the penalties for not having 3 in the car started.) And while he didn't love the "early schedule," it meant that he spent only ~40 minutes on either trip to or from work and when you live 27 miles from your office, that's not a terrible commute time. There were alternatives - a "late" schedule (go in after HOV turns off at 9, come home after 6:30 when it turned off) and "slugging", wherein you pick up random strangers during prime commute time and drop them off at specified locations. The problem with slugging is the extra time added to your commute - it makes it a solid hour and fifteen by the time you've gone to the commuter lot, gotten people, dropped them, and then wiggled through the horrific off-Interstate traffic from the drop off point to your office. But still, in a pinch when you needed those prime hours, it worked.

Now? Now, you are well and truly f'd, no matter what you choose.

Slugging works basically the same way - and (bonus?) it's still free. But it's also still 75-80 minutes door to door.

The early and late options are gone. Poof. Because the toll is always on. Always. On. So while the price may be lower super early in the morning, you still pay a minimum of about $3, which will translate to a minimum of $30 a week. And that's if they don't decide that traffic is bad enough to hike up the price. Which they inevitably do. So realistically it's $50-$80 a week, and I don't know about you, but we don't happen to have that much extra dosh just lying around to throw into VDOT's coffers.

Throw in the bonus that the a-holes in Arlington didn't get on board with the HOT lane project and so half-way up, you're back in the main lanes with all the traffic unless you have three people in your car.

So, the new and current plan is for him to go in around 10:30 and leave for home around 7:45. Which, if you're keeping score, means he'll only see the kids in the morning, since they get up at 7a.m. But if you have a brain that you use, you'll piece together that when one gets home at 8:30 at night, you don't go to bed at 10 so that you can be up at 7. No, you stay up til midnight or one and then sleep 'til 8:30 or 9, at which point you have to throw on clothes and rush to work, so there's no quality time with your family in that circumstance.

And if the undercurrent of my post that you're picking up on is frustration, you'd be right. Is there a solution? Other than moving out of the area, I'm not sure what it'd be.

Some People...

When I got serious about writing, I joined a Christian writer's group figuring it was a good place to make connections and get advice etc. And, for the most part, that's proved true. But boy howdy, the trolls. Or, well, maybe that should be singular. (And what kills me, is you have to be a paid member to be on the email loops - so this person is shelling out money specifically to be a troll. Really, don't people have better things to do?)

This person goes out of their way to make inflammatory statements - in fact, they rarely post anything that isn't inflammatory. They ask the same thing over and over and bemoan the fact that no one answers them. Then, if they get answers, those answers are wrong or not helpful or whatever. Really, at the end of the day, this person wrote a book several years ago, published with a vanity press, and hasn't made back their investment (I'm guessing on the last one) and so is looking for someone to tell them how to become a gazillionaire without actually having to write anything ever again.

The latest sally in the ongoing idiocy is trying to reopen a heated discussion about whether or not Christian books should be anything beyond pollyanna happy land tales. And really, I could pull up six threads from the archive where the idea is discussed TO DEATH in the last year. There's no reason for this discussion to ever again take place. But apparently we weren't keeping this person at the forefront of our minds enough, so there needed to be another post.

I responded to a few posts when I thought this person was perhaps actually wanting help. I quickly learned it's not about help, it's about attention. I feel sorry for them, on one hand, and on the other hand, I wish someone would just clue them in to the fact that too much more of this is going to leave such a bad taste in everyone's mouth that if they ever really need legitimate help, no one is going to take the bait.

On Being a !*#$*#! Grownup

Lately it seems as if the few people with whom I have to interact on a semi-regular basis (cause let's face it, I'm mostly just mom, I don't do a ton of "work-like" interaction) have forgotten that we're not in middle school anymore.

First there was the guy who ran the games for the kid's program that I run at church. I asked, for various reasons, to have just a bit more accountability so I knew that he was doing things in line with the program. He ripped off his uniform, threw it on the floor, shot me a salute (a real one, but I knew it was actually just a single finger in his mind) and stormed off. His kids still come, so that's a bonus, but I don't get why we couldn't have a grown-up conversation about things instead of that.

Then there are some of the other writers that I'm trying to do a giveaway with. And I put out a set of suggestions for how to run it, basically had to pull teeth to get anyone to say anything and then they finally agreed. Now that things have been running for a week, the complaints are rolling in. "Oh, I didn't read it carefully." "I didn't understand that was how it was going to be." Blah blah. How is this now my problem? Also, at this point, we've published how things are running. Time to get on board, not gripe.

One of the above agreed to participate and then totally whiffed her post. So I mentioned that she could go ahead and do it and got the "Oh, I'm busy. But maybe. We'll see." Huh? Look, you agreed to all of this. Just freaking honor your commitments. Also, you still owe me the money you promised as part of the grand prize.

And oh, the grand prize. Grr. I'm going to end up shelling out more than 50% of that since people who promised to pay can't seem to get it together. It was all well and good when we were each chipping in $20. But now. Sigh.

I won't be organizing this again either. Last year was a bit of a disaster, this year takes the cake.

Be a grown up. It's not just about the number you put on the line labeled "Age."

Oh, Barbie.

So apparently there was a book about Barbie being a computer engineer published in 2010 that ended up being the topic de jour in my Facebook feed today. Why did it take four years to be noticed? Well, it's a Barbie book so I'm guessing that it's not generally being read by hundreds of thousands of people. Mattel has apologized.

I was considering putting my own two cents in about how that book should look, but in actuality, there's a site where you can improve the book yourself. And this is one delightful use of said site. So really, my work here is done.

I will go ahead and add my voice to the many others out there, however, who have to wonder how Mattel--even in 2010--managed to allow such a thing to be published. It's hard enough for women in the sciences (and in computer science in particular.) Do we really need Barbie playing into the stereotypes? I mean, sure, it's nice that she's *trying* to design a computer game, but do we even have to go so far as to assume that games designed by girls have cute, fluffy robot puppies in them? I mean, really. If you look at the game design world and the kick-ass women who work in that field, they're not all about the fluffy robot puppies. (I suppose it's nice that it wasn't a heavily endowed, bikini-clad robot puppy, but perhaps that's a post for another day. Because as far as sexism goes, the game industry has a way to come themselves if they want to move out of the era of misogyny.)

But more to the point, in my mind, I continue to wonder why we look to things (things! As in TOYS!) like Barbie to be role models for our children. Can they help teach good manners and morals. Sure. Should they be role models? No. Especially when there are so many fabulous REAL role models that you can use if you want to take the time to talk to your kids and encourage them to read outside the sphere of this week's hot toy.

So, without further ado, a brief list of suggestions for role models to investigate if you're looking to encourage your daughter in the sciences. (And yes, I'm being lazy and linking to Wikipedia, but you can find better, deeper resources from there and it's a handy place to get an idea bout whether or not you care to explore further.)

• Marie Curie
• Ada Lovelace
• Henrietta Leavett
• Grete Hermann
• Hedy Lamarr
• Anita Borg
• Grace Hopper
• Ida Rhodes
• Want some more modern women?
• Or some Nobel Prize winners?

The point is...we don't need Barbie if we're looking for inspiring influences for women in science. They're already out there, working, innovating, and combating the ridiculous stereotype that Barbie perpetuates in the first place.

The next Barbie book I hope they publish? Barbie Gets Medically Necessary Breast Reduction Surgery to Save Her Back.

Volunteerism

I run a program for kids at our church. It's a program we had when I was growing up. I love it -- it's near and dear to my heart -- and I'm thrilled that it's available for my kids to participate in. However, as with so many things at church, it's run by volunteers (heck, I'm a volunteer) and it seems like the majority of the world doesn't actually subscribe to the same ideas behind volunteering that I do.

So I bring to you, my list of Volunteering Dos and Don'ts

Do:

• Look at the list of places you're needed and find one that fits with what you enjoy doing and have time for. 
• Show up five minutes early. This, for volunteers, really is "on time."
• Ask how you can help, even if it's outside of your "job description"
• Commit. Understand the length of your volunteer position, what's required, and what breaks are available. Volunteers who only come when they "can" (i.e. feel like it) are less helpful than empty positions.
• Be dependable. (See above)
• Enjoy yourself. If you're having fun, that will shine through in your work. See the first bullet for step 1 in making this happen.

Don't:

• Grumble about how you could have done it better. There are most likely leadership positions available, if you want one, step up!
• Grumble when the leader of the activity asks how things are going in your area. Just like with your job, most things have some kind of chain of command structure. I promise you, the leader isn't trying to micromanage or take over, they just need to know what's going on since the buck stops with them.
• Be late.
• Fail to notify your immediate supervisor and the person overall in charge if you aren't able to make it. Sooner is always better than later.
• Feel entitled. At the end of the day, everyone is volunteering for the same purpose. Keep that purpose in mind as you work -- most volunteer opportunities embody the idea that it's not about you.

On Banning Bossy

So there's been a hue and cry on the Internet to "Ban Bossy" of late and after wading into a semi-discussion with a friend on Facebook about it, I kind of let it go. But the longer I've thought about it, the more irritated I get. And maybe not in the way you'd expect.

First off, let's be clear, I don't think banning a word is EVER the way to make change. Yes, words matter and blah blah - but banning a word just means people will come up with a NEW word to use that's even more obnoxious until we decide now we have to ban THAT word and so on and so on until we end up with no words left in our lexicon because they've all been deemed harmful to someone's self-esteem.

BUT - and here's where I ran afoul of my friend - I do believe there's something to what they're trying to accomplish. My friend (also a woman) hasn't experienced workplace issues because of her gender and that is an incredible thing and I'm happy for her. But I would venture to say that if you asked 100 women in technology jobs (straight up technology, not technology education, and not all-inclusively science either. Maybe I need to say just women who are computer professional and leave it at that, since that's my sphere.) if they've been discriminated against because of their gender, 90 of them would say at least once. And the other 10 probably weren't paying attention.

Computer Science suffers from bad press on so many levels (only nerds do it, etc. etc.) but there is a proven shortage (with recent studies, not just the older ones that now everyone's harping on the Ban Bossy folks for using) of women in the field. And women who enter college thinking they want to major in computer science are more likely to switch majors after just one year because of the attitudes of the males they encounter in their classes. And that's just at school - that says nothing of the workplace.

I, personally, have been told I'm "not a team player" and "too aggressive" in the workplace simply for insisting my voice be heard in meetings. I've had a man scream "I'm just about sick of you!" at me in a meeting with sixteen people, including the Vice President of our company when I asked that he get his programmers to comply with our processes and standards that were mandated by the President and VP. And afterward, the VP said I needed to understand that this man was under stress and I should cut him some slack. I asked if he was going to apologize. The VP said he didn't think it was necessary, I knew he didn't mean anything by it, didn't I?

Can you imagine what would have happened if the roles were reversed? I assume I'd've been fired on the spot. In front of everyone. At a bare minimum I would've been made to apologize and put on probation. Which is what SHOULD have happened for that behavior, regardless of the person's gender.

The point is, unprofessional behavior is easily tolerated and excused in men in the computer industry. The same is not true for women. And I can list more examples from my own professional career as well as that of women close to me in many different corporations that range in size from small to monstrous.

There's something to the idea of Ban Bossy. I think the implementation is stupid (or have we banned stupid? I can't recall.) and unlikely to produce results. But it would be really nice if we could maybe do something to create some equity among expectations for behavior in the workplace when it comes to those in professional computing. (Again, I can't speak for other industries because I haven't worked there. I will say there's less of a problem in education - it's one of the primary reasons I stopped working in business and moved into teaching.)

My friend mentioned that she's more concerned with how we treat our young boys. And I agree with her totally on that front - that's a post for another day. But I also don't feel they're mutually exclusive.

Maybe what we need to do is just generically ban labels.

Professional Organizations and Power Trips

One of the things I did when I decided to really work at publication was join a Christian writing professional organization. I was hopeful that they'd have good classes on craft development and just a chance to rub elbows with other folk who are writing for the inspirational market. And in that respect, it's been successful.

Unfortunately, the other half of what I've discovered is that there's a distinct separation between the elite, "We are the authors who matter" crowd and the rest of us aspiring or small-pubbed folk. And Heaven help you if you decide to self-publish! Oh the scathing comments that get made about self-pubbers, no matter how much time and effort (and expense) you put into your product, according to the elite of this organization, you're sub-par. And, as one who's sub-par, you're not allowed entry to the few perks of the organization like their database of published works and new release newsletter that they put out every month.

Except...now a few of the board members have gone hybrid. (Hybrid, in this case, means they self-pub some things and still work with their traditional publisher on others.) And, well, we couldn't possibly have board members unable to reap all their benefits, could we?

So last night they put out an email saying how excited they were to be moving forward with the trend of the industry as a whole and that they'd be now allowing self-published authors to apply to be "Qualified Independent Authors." As a QIA, you'll have access to all the previously out-of-reach assets of your professional membership. Sounds great, right?

Until you read what they feel makes you a QIA. There's not a review board who looks over your book and checks it for quality cover design, good editing and writing, and internal formatting. Oh no, we wouldn't want to have standards for things you, the author, can actually control. No, the sole way to become a QIA is to earn $5K on a single title within a 12 month period.

If you look at reports from places like Digital Book World and Writer's Market who did a survey, you'll see that the majority (80%) of self-pubbed authors make between $0 and $4,999 A YEAR. And most self-pubbed authors are putting out more than one title in that time frame. So to have to make $5K in 12 months on a single title? I can tell you who will meet that criteria: the two board members who are hybrid and want their self-pubbed titles in the databases and newsletters.

Heck, talking to other authors who are published by the Big 6, $5K on a single title is just a pipe dream. Forget about people who work with the smaller presses because what they write is much more niche than anything the Big 6 are going to look at. (Ahem, like me.)

I've read great stuff -- professionally edited, quality cover designs, well formatted inside, and incredibly well written -- from self-published authors. I've read not-so great and downright horrible stuff from self-published authors, too. But then, I've read great stuff from the Big 6 publishers as well as not-so-great and downright horrible stuff from the Big 6 as well. The amount of money a book earns is not a valid indicator of it's quality! (Look at books we consider the classics today - how many of them--most of which were self-published--would meet these requirements? Anything by Dickens? Jane Austen?)

All that basing "QIA" status on sales does is guarantee that the only people who can hope to benefit from this new rule are the people who are already the elite within the organization. The big names who are hoping to get bigger. (And ask any of them why they went hybrid and they'll tell you one of the top 5 reasons was to earn more money per title. It works for them because they have a huge following from their traditionally pubbed books.) And that's great - I don't begrudge them that.

But I do think if they're going to be "changing with the publishing times" that they need to recognize the new independent author as a valid entity. One who deserves to be allowed into their database and newsletter based on the actual quality of their product, not their sales figures.

Merry PC-ness

Last night I logged on to check my school email (as I'm prone to do of an evening) and found therein a message from all the department chairs and deans - subject: Happy Holidays.

Now, I'm not overly concerned with people saying Happy Holidays. There are many holidays this time of year - you've got Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza, and EID plus those weird ones among us who have actually glommed on to Seinfeld's Festivus as if it's a real thing and celebrate it. Throw in the winter solstice and New Year's and, well, there are many holidays and I do hope whichever you happen to celebrate are happy. (That said, if I say "Merry Christmas" to you, I hope you'll have the grace to simply smile and nod if Christmas isn't your preferred celebration because hey, I'm not going to correct you about whatever you're saying.)

Point being, I wasn't immediately offended when I saw the subject. Opening it, I found a happy little mp4 file to download and watch. I did so. And that's when I got offended.

See, said video had a cheery little tune that was not any particular holiday theme and it was dancing animated photos sliding hither and yon with Menorahs, Stars of Davids, Dreidels, Kwanza candle stick things surrounded by corn and...Santa and his sleigh. Nary a Nativity to be found.

Now, I ask you, if Santa is all that embodies Christmas, then why in the, pardon me, HELL, do people care if I say Merry Christmas? How does a fat man in a red suit offend anyone? (Except Michelle Obama who would, of course, say he's more dangerous than a terrorist since fat is the new terrorism.)

I'll give you your made up holidays from the 60's. I'll give you the celebrations of oil for lamps not running out. You need to give me the courtesy of a stable and a manger. If you feel the need to throw in flying venison and velour-clad men, fine, but holy moly, if you're going to be all PC at least have the decency to include all the people you're hoping not to offend.

I've not yet decided if I'm going to say something. I suspect discretion is the better part of valor and so forth, but I'm just this side of livid I'm so annoyed.

Election Night Miscellania

I don't watch election returns as a rule. I find my blood pressure can't handle it, and, really, I don't need to watch the ups and downs. Just tell me the result when all is counted. I did my part, for good or ill, and now all that's left is to pray and rely on the fact that God has appointed the rulers of the Earth, whether they're good or bad, whether they bring Christians into freedom or captivity. There's a greater plan at work than anything my mind can comprehend.

Most days, that's an encouraging thing to remember.

In other news, I was notified that they've overturned one plagiarism charge from last term because the student commented the code he blatantly copied off the Internet and therefore demonstrated he understood it. Silly me, I though I was supposed to be teaching students to write code. I feel like from now on I ought to just give them the solution and for their assignments ask them to comment and explain every line. Clearly that's enough.

I apologize now, in advance, to anyone who actually took the time to earn their degree in computer science. Should you run into these students and have to do all their work for them, please understand I did what I could. But hey, they understand what you do and will happily take credit for it.

Beyond that, I'm thinking I may need to go see an orthopedist. (I think that's the right kind of doctor.) My left knee has started to send out increasingly horrific pains when I step or turn or, generally, use said joint. Yay.