Back in my day...

We're at the 54 day mark before eldest heads off to college and, as it's also Prime days at Amazon, Big Brother seems to know that they should inundate me with all the ads for college dorm necessities.

Boy, it's a lot.

And also...I'm so confused.

Back in my day (and yeah yeah, I'm old), I packed up my clothes, bedding, my shelf stereo with CD player AND cassette capability, my state of the art desktop computer running Windows 3.1 and I was good to go. Oh, and an answering machine. I really think that's all I took. There might have been a framed photo or two.

Now?

Everyone apparently neeeeeds a mattress topper. And the numbers and varieties that are available are mind numbing. Memory foam. Gel. Cooling. Cooper infused. Set up like a bottom sheet to elastic all the way around. Just a rectangle that sits on top. Down filled. Two inches. Four inches. 

Just...it's baffling.

Also suggested are rolling carts. Skinny drawer collections (some with casters, some without). All manner of over-the-door hanging organizing things. "Safes" that are lockable boxes, basically, that hook to your bed to also be a desk type thing. Fans. (Oh my word, the fans.) And Fan stands that hook to the bed. Charging stations. Rugs. Removable wallpaper.

Honestly, if you can think of something that could possibly go into a college dorm room, I guarantee there are at least sixteen people selling them as "essentials that you'll regret not having."

I've asked eldest which, if any, of these things he needs and/or wants and he just shrugs. Which...maybe that's good? But I suspect what will really happen is we'll get ready to pack the car and he'll realize that he doesn't have anything he actually needs and so we'll be trying to navigate WalMart or Target (or both) when we get down to school. (And I mean, fine. If that's what we gotta do, that's what we gotta do.) Of course, this is the same kid who, when I was reminding him to go in and reserve his move in time and talking about logistics, looked at me completely confused and said, "Wait. Why are you going to be there?"

So there's that.

(*To be fair, hubby's parents put him on a plane and said bon chance. So I know there are families that do that. But...I am not that mom. At least not for freshman year.)

And Just Like That

Eldest is a high school graduate and also in possession of an Associate's degree in Biblical Studies. He has eschewed walking (which would have been down at Liberty U today), although he has promised that he will walk in four years with his two Bachelor's degrees. I'm holding him to that.

We now enter the ticking time-bomb that is the summer between high school and college. I'm tempted to measure the space in hours, but I don't actually think that would be healthy for either of us. As it is, I'm trying to cram as much family fun as he'll allow into it (read: not all that much because he wants to hang with his friends. Totally legit. But annoying. And yet still legit.) Some of which may be season passes to the amusement park, as we can all go together and just say hi as we pass on our way to different rides. I believe some of his friends are also getting passes, so it kills all the birds with the same, not actually all that expensive, stone.

And we begin to transition the younger boy into taking on the chores that have, heretofore, fallen to the elder boy. He's not excited to have their bathroom now become his sole responsibility, but as it's for his sole use, it feels legit to do.

That tempus, it does fugit.

A Week Without Meds

Youngest boy has been on some variety of ADHD stimulant for six years (?) now. I think we've tried them all at least once. Some twice. And, in fact, our last change - maybe a year ago now - was back to Adderall. None of them have really done as much as we all (him, me, the psychiatrist) feel they should. Unless we dose him so high he doesn't eat. So that's a no-go.

But the Adderall was doing enough that we were trying to fiddle around with other things to boost the efficacy here and there and it was reasonable. Ish.

Then, last week, it was time to refill. The way they handle stimulants is infuriating (and brought to you by the aholes who misuse these meds for cheap highs.) but I get the necessity. Mostly. Anyway, our doctor usually sends in three 30-day prescriptions at each appointment so we don't have to get her to send a new one in every 30 days. Cool. The CVS app said we had two fills left. But...there was no "request refill" button. Instead there was a note saying they needed a new prescription.

I was confused, but I called and left them a message. They called back and said yes, they needed a new prescription. So whatever. I emailed the doctor and explained the situation. She sent in a new one for me.

Now, the app was showing "this medication needs a preauthorization." Pardon me, what? He's been on it for a year. And it's basically the first thing doctors try (unless they like Ritalin better, in which case it's the second) for ADHD. 

Another call to the pharmacy nets an assurance that that's what the system is telling them. It's an insurance issue not them.

So, fine. I call the insurance company.

After like two hours of various holds, phone menus with only voice options and not numbers to hit, an AI refusal to send me to a freaking person unless I first let them try to solve my problem and then, finally, a helpful individual, it turns out that, because both boys take ADHD meds, and elder boy just got switched from one to another about 2 weeks after a refill, we have exceeded our allotment of 75 pills in a 90 day period. SO they won't fill younger boy's meds until November.

I had...thoughts. So many thoughts.

The guy did describe a horrifically annoying sounding process whereby we might be able to get an override, and I'm keeping it in my back pocket. But for now? We're flying med-free. It is going surprisingly well.

Honestly? It's not all that different. And, on the positive side, when he does freeze up/melt down, he's much less violent and ragey with it. (A little investigation showed that anger/rage is a side effect of Adderall. Cool cool. Pubescent teen boy + medication rage was super fun. Glad I knew that in advance. Oh, wait.)

We've added in a few supplements that also seem to be helping, and at this point, if things keep going this way, I'm going to just kibosh the Adderall when we next see the doc anyway. I would much rather my kids not be on them if they don't have to be.

A Little Random for Tuesday

The oven is in, and it is glorious. The Depot of Home dropped it off, but we had not paid for installation (because hubby said, "how hard can it be?"). So that evening, he and eldest, with a little supervision by me, got it installed with only minimal swearing when they had to pull it completely out of the hole and tweak the height of the supports before putting it back in. Apparently it's heavy? Who knew.

But it's quiet and a joy to use. (So quiet. Honestly it'll be on and I'll just stand by it and listen. The old one's fan was so ridiculously loud you could hear it on the other floors of the house. I'm guessing maybe that was a sign of age now, rather than just how it is.)

The addition to bring Dad to live with us hit a big milestone today. (Have I talked about this? I feel like I have.) The architect and the contractor were over this morning with the big roll of blueprints for final tweaks and analysis prior to starting the permit process. Looks like, if all goes well (hahaha), Dad could be in by Christmas?

I think we'll get him over here and settled and then take the early months of the new year getting rid of things and fixing up his house before getting it listed in spring. None of us see a point in rushing. We'd all much rather pitch all the trash now rather than haul it over here to deal with later.

(Because I'm still reasonably certain I'm going to find stuff from Nana in the basement, and she died in the 80s.)

Youngest has started PT to try and fix the ridiculous over pronating that has plagued him his entire life. So far, I think I can already see progress. Maybe I'm delusional, but if so I'm okay with it. I just want him to be able to run without falling over.

Speaking of youngest, he won't be joining hubs and eldest at Trail Life camp. I'm bummed - there goes my week - but it's for the best. He's close. But also he just doesn't listen well enough yet. Le sigh.

And now you're caught up.

Somedays, I swear.

(Hubby would say I swear most days. I'm working on it.)

Youngest has decided it's time to ramp up on all things puberty. In the case of ADHD, this means anything you thought you knew before no longer applies. And anything you think you might find out also does not apply.

Basically, it's even more chaos around here than usual. (Now with more chaos!)

Lawd help.

We did manage to get one med increased (did I say this already? I think maybe I did.) We're a few days in and I think, fingers crossed, touch wood, all that, we might be turning a corner? Except yesterday, he pulls out the "I don't have friends and it's not fair that elder brother does."

Sometimes, all you can do is close your eyes and put your head on the table.

I mean, he's not wrong. (Ish. He has a few friends, but we don't get to see them much because everyone is busy all of the time around here.) He won't go to Sunday school because of how last year worked out, so he's not making friends there. He does go to youth group and Trail Life, but both of those are in the evening and while we give him a medicine boost prior, he just isn't ever at his best in the evenings. So, unsurprisingly, he is not rolling around in friendships.

So I have spent the past day and a half descending into the madness of, "Should I put him in school?"

I mean, not public. I know that would be a bad plan. (Okay, to be fair, I don't know. Because we haven't done it, so I can't know. However, I have very high suspicions that our overcrowded, understaffed public schools would not be thrilled with the addition of my hyperactive, inattentive, and hugely disruptive child. Especially when he's mostly there because he wants to be around people and not because he has any interest at all in learning things.)

Private school? Maybe.

Pushing aside the gasping intake of breath when looking at tuition for same (because holy wow), would it honestly be any better? Or would the private school teachers (who I'm reasonably sure are paid even worse than the public ones -- that was certainly the case when I worked for a small private school in Georgia in the 90s.) just toss their hands in the air and say, "Nope!"

I just don't know.

And again, academically at least, I know at home is better suited. He's learning. He's in an environment where it's tailored to him and he can get in and get out in short time. But if he really wants those social experiences (although I also worry - and HUGELY worry - that he'd simply become the whipping boy for all the local bullies. Because he is...very bullyable. He's just...innocent and sweet  and honestly not a genius and I know life will kick it out of him at some point, but I would rather it was when he was older and less likely to get life-long scars from it. But maybe that's not a thing.)

Which just serves to send the spiral round again.

This parenting gig isn't for the faint of heart.

Teenagers...

Today, I was feeling a little motivated in the morning (a big win of late), so I dragged my sourdough starter out of the fridge and gave it a feed, thinking I'd give 100% whole wheat another go. (The last experiment, which was the 2nd, turned out almost great, so I'm pleased and thinking I'm on the right path with it.)

Since I seem to attract drafts no matter where I life, I stuck the starter in the oven with the light on so it had a still and warm place to grow.

Everyone knows the light isn't on unless I'm doing this.

Or so I thought.

I came downstairs from my few minutes with eldest's therapist after his session to find the oven pre-heating.

And my starter cooked.

After a near-hysterical meltdown (because my sister gave me that starter) and some time to collect myself, I judged that the very bottom of it might be salvageable.

So I stuck that in a bowl and fed it and we'll see.

I washed the usual jar (baked on starter is surprisingly hard to get off without a good bit of soaking) and tonight I'll transfer over some of the afternoon fed starter to the jar, give it another feed, and see again in the morning if we still have life or if it's just time to start over.

The teenager has been quiet and reserved since this afternoon. I think hubby may have called to explain that his initial response of, "I'm sorry but it's not a big deal." was not the way to go.

A Week Without Boys

This past week, hubs and the two boys headed out with their Trail Life troop to the start of the James River, wherein they rented canoes and spent the next four days rowing and camping their way some 50 miles back to the car.

From all they said upon their return it was a fantastic trip. Youngest loved being able to go with "the big boys" as he is now in middle school (or will be when school kicks off) and thus moved up to the mid-level of the troop. Eldest said it wasn't too terrible having him along. Hubby said he was glad eldest is pretty self sufficient as he had to do quite a bit of helping of youngest (not surprising seeing as how this was the first major excursion of this ilk that youngest had ever embarked on.)

And me? I had four glorious days at home by myself.

Well, me and the Sleepy Pup. But he's a delightful little shadow content to lay on or near me. Very undemanding.

It was nice to not have to figure out food for picky palates. Or settle squabbles between teen and tween. Or wonder when, oh when, is Dad getting home so he can settle the squabbles.

I got quite a lot done on things that I struggle to do when regular life interrupts.

And I also found that living out here in the country now is...a challenge for me at night when I'm home alone. Hubby asked if I sat on the deck at dusk to watch the bats (he and I usually do this in the evenings) and no. No I did not. Because apparently I'm a big chicken. I locked the doors. Checked them thrice. And studiously ignored the fact that there was a big, dark forest out there outside my walls.

They've gone on single overnights before. So apparently it's just to do with it being a week? No clue, really. 

Regardless, everyone survived and had fun and now the band is back together and we're all quite pleased with that happenstance, too.

Especially the pup.

The Whiny Days of Summer

I am thisclose to saying, "Forget it. We're starting school tomorrow." 

I have to wait, no matter how satisfying the shocked Pikachu faces would be. For one, it's VBS this week and as it's youngest's last year to participate (he can help out next year, but it's only for elementary age) I'm trying to let him enjoy the last hurrah.

He says he is. 

But it's also exhausting, apparently, and so we get home and he's too tiiiiiireddddd to do anything that needs doing. For yesterday's example, take out the trash. For today's, go bring in the bins. 

Insert eye roll here.

And yes, he still has to do it. He still ends up doing it. He just whines about it. 

A lot.

Eldest isn't all that much better, to be honest.

And, fair's fair, it's hot. I don't like it outside either. But I'm not asking him to live there. Just go out for under five minutes.

Next week all three boys (hubs plus the two younger) will be on a canoe/hiking combo trip on the James River. I will admit to considerable trepidation about it, but shall do my best not to let the anxiety win. I am, however, looking forward to a few days of sweet, blessed quiet and aloneness.

But then? Then it may just be school time. Because we need our schedule back. When we're scheduled, no one has time to whine.

Life on the Trail

Boy boys (and the hubby) participate in Trail Life at our church. (If you're unfamiliar, it's basically what Boy Scouts was before they decided to get woke.) Generally, I love that they do it. I think it's great to learn all the sorts of things that they do. Hiking, camping, generally running around with sharp things and fire. All good things for kids to do.

But the program could use a woman's touch.

Or a man who understands pedagogy.

In the elementary years, badges are earned during meetings and it's basically if you show up, you succeed. This is great for younger kids, because they get to run around with sharp things and fire and get a pin for it.

In middle school, there's the opportunity to start earning cooler awards that get affixed to the "standard" (which is a really rather cool walking stick.) But also in middle school begins the "leadership" idea of "go figure it out, kid."

And I am 100% for teaching kids how to figure things out, make a plan, execute a plan, and get that sense of achievement from having done so. But you notice that I said "teaching kids how" ... yeah, they kind of skip that part.

So eldest has been missing TWO THINGS for 18 months. Two. Just two and he would complete the highest award for middle school (which he is rapidly losing the chance to earn b/c when school is out, he's out of middle school and would no longer qualify.)

I've talked to hubby. I've talked to the boy. I've suggested someone, somewhere, send up a flare. But eldest is reserved and I'm going on a limb to say he has anxiety, maybe he's just shy, but I can't send him into the post office to drop something in the mail slot alone at 14 either, so. Yeah. Anxiety.

Point being, he needs someone to ask him. And nudge. And mentor.

And he's getting zero of that.

Apparently it's even more hands off at the high school level (which seems impossible, but whatever) and...I don't know what the point is. Why am I paying dues and for uniforms etc if no one is on the other side ensuring that skills are learned?

But I've also been told that moms can butt right out, so instead I rant.

These are the days

I will remember them, yes.

Unless I drink too much at the end of them, which is certainly the desired response to days like today.

I'll be honest, I don't advocate the whole "Mommy needs wine" stuff - alcohol should never be how you cope with having kids.

But OMG there are days when I get it.

The boys managed to rip about 1.5 inches of the home theater screen in a lightsaber vs shock rod battle. 

Youngest has been pinching eldest on the ribs all day when I wasn't looking and I only discovered it when eldest had enough and decked him.

Reading. Well, yeah, let's just say our quest for literacy continues apace.

And I swear the ADHD meds never kicked in today.

There will be gin at bedtime.

Mother of the Year

So, eldest's birthday was this week and a party was in the works for Saturday. But...with the quantity of snow/ice currently on the ground here combined with the pretty definite possibility of 3-6 more inches tomorrow night and oh yes, the project high of 33 for Saturday (wherein there was to be paintball madness ensuing), four of his friends bailed. And that pushed us well under the requisite minimum and so...party cancelled.

We'll reschedule it in February probably (because yay for us, our Saturdays get busy round these parts). 

To say he's disappointed is perhaps the understatement of the year. 

He gets it, sort of. And it's the joy of a winter birthday. But I feel awful. I know he'll get over it, but I hate seeing how upset he is.

Anyway, good times continue apace.

Like Pulling Teeth

 Eldest had 4 teeth pulled this morning.

Adult ones.

His mouth is just too small. Or his teeth are too big. Whichever way you look at it, it's jammed up like the Springfield Mixing Bowl in a pre-covid rush hour.

So the teeth had to come out.

He's doing okay, although still numb right now, which makes everything that much harder and messier. So far we're staying ahead of the pain and swelling.

I have to stand on a chair to help him change his gauze, because he's just that much taller than me. (Or he can sit, obviously, but he says it's easier standing, so I'm trying to accommodate him.)

Youngest has piped up, loudly, "Gosh, I'm glad I didn't have to have that done."

Ah, siblings. 

I See What You Did There

 Youngest struggles.

There's really  no way around it. He has some definite challenges that we're working on unraveling - and some days it's more than I think we're going to be able to handle.

One of the big issues continues to be his eyes.

When he was 4? 5? The eye doctor prescribed a crazy strong correction that we worked with for a year, only to realize that haha just kidding, he didn't need it. He was struggling to track as he read across the line at the doctor and so it wasn't that he couldn't see the letter, he just didn't know which one he was supposed to read.

So we started vision therapy a little over a year ago.

There have been some improvements. It's hard to know which are because we're also doing medication for his ADHD (and so he can focus well enough to follow a line of text to the end) or because now his eyes can track well enough.

It's probably some of both.

Regardless, we met with the doctor at VT on Monday for one of the little evaluation check ins and...where we should have probably been finishing up, we're now signed on for at least one more 12 week unit. Whee.

And I mentioned that the eye doctor in June had noticed that he felt youngest could do with a stronger prescription. So this doctor check and agreed that yes. He needs stronger glasses.

Also bifocals.

At eight.

I mean I get that it's a thing - his eyes are just bad. But I'm terrified that we're going to find it's another situation where something OTHER than his eyes caused him to test as needing these prescriptions and we'll waste time and money and heartache learning to use them.

Or maybe they'll be the last piece of the puzzle to unlock. That's the optimistic viewpoint, so not one I gravitate to naturally, but Tim's banking on that.

Anyway. Today I took the prescription over to our eye doctor to get filled. And while I love our eye doctor, I despise, with one exception, his front office staff. I was hoping that, Covid, you know, we could make an appointment to come choose frames. Nope. You just have to show up and wait outside until such time as the people with appointments are done and the occupancy is low enough that they'll let you in.

Okay, fine. We go. We wait. We see no fewer than eight people get let in. We play seven rounds of two-person matching on the Cracker Barrel app (and I kicked butt - neither of the boys has a methodology for matching. I don't get it. They just poke randomly. Whatever. I like winning.) and finally I called to say, as politely as possible, WTF.

So then one of the ladies is like "The other doctor didn't send this to your insurance saying that you needed it approved."

And I'm like, "Uh. We've never had to have glasses preapproved."

Then another lady comes out and explains (slightly better) that the insurance computer is down, but why don't we come in and she'll give them a call? 

Then the one lady who I like comes over and is like "No, these are their benefits, here's how much everything costs, yes it's fine, just get them glasses." And this is why I love her because she knows her job and is content to just do it.

Anyway, after a ridiculous comedy of errors, we choose frames, get all his measurements taken, and lo and behold, they'll only be $150, which really is about half (to a third) of what I expected them to be so at least if they end up being a colossal waste of time at least we wont' have broken the bank on them.

I just hope they work. Because this kid needs something to go right for him. And so does his mama.

Surrender the line

I broke down and bought chewy things for the boy. They drive me crazy but at least when he needs to chew he has something appropriate to do it on. And it does seem to be stopping the finger chewing so. There's that I guess.

Today at speech, the ST says that she feels like it's not so much that he's not able to find the words to describe things, but that he's not able to focus well enough to string them in the right order.

Back to ADHD screwing him over.

I hate the idea of medicating him. There are so many horror stories. And yet.

We're not all that far removed from a horror story right now.

And if it's really the ability to focus that's holding him back, then how can I not at least try medication when that's what has the potential ability to remove the biggest obstacle in front of him.

And yet.

Did you read Flowers for Algernon growing up?

It haunts me.

It's probably irrational. I realize that. But I'm terrified and paralyzed and I just feel like all I do is make bad decisions when it comes to trying to help my boy.

So I need to figure out if I look for a psychiatrist (that's the doctor one, right?) to work with for meds or if we start with the pediatrician. We see him in March and part of me thinks it's worth waiting the few weeks to go to someone who's a known quantity. But the other part of me isn't sure.

I hate that not being sure is becoming my defining characteristic right now.

ADHD is a bigger deal than we realize

Youngest's recent ADHD diagnosis was meant to be reassuring, I think. Because it is, at least, a reason for the behaviors. But more and more I begin to realize just how big a thing ADHD is and how awful is is for him.

At the same time, I'm trying to adjust to the idea that some of these behaviors may just be permanent. Sure, we can tame them some and help him find coping techniques. But this isn't something he's going to grow out of or get disciplined out of.

Right now my big struggle is finger sucking. Three years ago, we finally broke down and bought a finger guard that, after six weeks(ish) finally got him to stop sucking on his finger.

But it's starting to creep back in.

And he knows it's bad for his teeth. He knows we don't want him to do it. But it seems to be something he needs from an oral stimulation standpoint.

If he thinks, he can have gum. It's out where he can get to it whenever he wants. But it seems to be a reflex that circumvents his conscious thought process most of the time.

OTs and others have suggested chewelry (jewelry designed to be chewed) but y'all. I can't. It's horrifying to me to look at these big kids with a huge chunk of rubber sticking out of their mouth like a paci. And I know I probably need to get over it.

But gah. It's just...nooooo

On the flip side, I would love him to stop chewing on his fingers.

So what's a mom to do?

I just don't know.

Coat Madness

So the boys grow like weeds.

I know this is not something that comes as a surprise to anyone who has spawn. You blink and suddenly none of their clothes fit.

Being a bit of a frugal gal, I have endeavored (mostly successfully) to buy winter coats large enough for each boy that they last at least two seasons. There was one time that eldest managed to not be so rough on his that youngest could then get a third season out of it. But alas, that is not the norm.

Last year, both boys had coats that were juuuust this side of too small. Sleeves were shorter than desired. Zip ups were a tad trickier because they were snug. But by golly, I was not trying to buy a new winter coat in February! Tough it out, I said.

And they did.

Alas, eldest managed to rip a huge hole in his (pulling the pocket completely out), so both boys needed new jackets for this year.

I waited. And then I waited some more. And around the start of October I said to myself, "Self, it's time to get the boys new coats."

So I poked around and found some on the Walmart online store and purchased them and then hung them in the closet because it was still too hot to need them.

But today! Today when it was a balmy 45 when the boys wanted to go play outside, I said, "Hey, why not put on your new coats?"

And there was great rejoicing because they both love new coats.

Eldest grabbed his, zipped up, and was off like the wind.

Youngest grabbed his, zipped...tried to zip...tried again...got frustrated and yelled for help. I went over to look. I tried to zip...and the zipper pull came off in my hand.

The dang zipper lost six teeth the first time we tried to zip it up.

So, when we were out and about, I dragged the coat, both boys, my email confirmation, and a bit of a bad attitude to the returns counter at Walmart.

Plus side? They were very nice about the whole thing and took it back and gave me a refund without any hassle.

Minus side? They do not carry the same coat in the store.

After a bit of fussing and some creative and overly cheerful chivvying from me and eldest, we got the youngest to agree to a new, different, (better! So much better! I tell you it's amazing!) (ed. It's not better. In fact, it's distinctly not better. But shhhh) coat. Because it's supposed to possibly snow on Tuesday so there's really no time to be dinking around with not having a winter coat.

Maybe a bonus plus side? I did also get them winter boots whilst in the store.

So when there is absolutely no wintery weather on Tuesday, you'll know it's us to blame. We're prepared. So the weather will not come.

Upon the Vernal Equinox

Happy first day of spring!

It's going to be a balmy 50 degrees today (or so they tell me), but the sun is out and the birds are chirping and thus I am inclined to think that spring may in fact be near.

There are multiple places offering free ice cream today. I fully plan for us to take advantage of one of them as soon as hubby gets home from work. Because ice cream.

You'd think, it being a sunny warmish day that I would have thrown the boys outside and told them to run. And they may, in fact, be doing that soon, but right this red hot second? One's playing xbox with a friend (it's said friend's birthday and so he's getting extended play time and well, we don't do it in the middle of the day all that often) and the other, in the interest of "fair" is playing on his tablet. I have my laptop on the couch and the puppy has a chewy alligator that is bound to make his gas defcon five by sundown. But everyone should get some kind of treat for spring.

Once I finish this post, my full intention is to open up the document of my latest book and get to work but ...so unmotivated.

Anyway, that's how we're ringing in spring. There's probably a moral in there somewhere, but I'm too lazy to look for it.

It's hard to be the baby

Family friends moved to Ohio a year and a half ago (thank you, Air Force. I mean, I do like the Air Force, but it'd be nice if they hadn't moved this particular family. There are other families we know who the Air Force would be welcome to relocate.)

This week, they're back in town as dad is doing some training, so mom and kids came for a visit. Their eldest is my eldest's BFF. So we got together for lunch and then a playground and then came here and, as determined ahead of time, their boy is staying the night and we'll meet back up with their whole crew tomorrow for the Lego Movie 2 and lunch.

Eldest is in pig heaven.

Youngest is not.

Youngest also adores this boy. (Though he has a friend roughly his age in the family as well, who he also enjoys, it was determined after a little back and forth that their youngest isn't quite ready for a sleep over. Which is fine as their youngest is...well, even his parents say he's feral. Although I will say after today he was much better. Age is a good thing sometimes.)

Eldest would like his younger brother to take a short walk off a tall cliff and leave him and his friend alone.

I am torn.

I remember those days when you just want to hang with your older sibling and their friends. Especially when you don't have a friend of your own. But I also know it's been a long time since these two got to hang out, and they should have the opportunity to do that without younger brother hanging around.

I think all I'm actually managing to do is irritate everyone. Is that a mom win? Feels like that's pretty much the absolute definition of a mom win.

Sigh.

Swiftly Fly the Years

I just got back from buying eldest new shoes. His last pair, purchased in early July, had toes inexplicably poking out the front. As those shoes were the last size available before shopping in the straight up men's section, you can see the issue. (I mean please, he's 10!)

I should have suspected this nonsense was coming when, last week, he needed socks and was able to wear a pair of his dad's without trouble. Dad now being only three sizes up in foot land.

Youngest isn't seeming to get the "Whoa there, sparky" memo about growth either. He just moved into clothes that his brother (you know the one four years older?) wore last winter.

Crazy. Town.

Also, please stop it.

An Anecdote

A few months ago, we had friends from church over for a playdate. They have three kids - a boy about the age of my eldest (one year behind), a girl a year behind that, and then another girl who's the same age as the youngest. All three, along with mom, came to play. The kids were in and out -- running from the backyard down to the climbing wall (and toys) in the playroom and back again. After about an hour, middle girl runs upstairs, "Mom! Mom! (Eldest boy) touched my butt!"

Other Mom stands half-way to her feet, her face dark, "Oh. No no no. That's a big no go zone for us."

Me, utterly confused because that's so incredibly out of what elder boy would do that I can't quite wrap my head around it, "(Elder boy)! Come up here for a moment please."

EB dashing into the room, "Yeah?"

Me: Did you touch middle girl's butt?

EB looking like I just asked him if he frequents a school on the dark side of the moon: No. Why would I do that?

Me: I don't know, she says you did.

EB, frowning in concentration: Well, she was on the bar that connects the two climbing walls and I had to squeeze past her to get to the legos where her older brother was playing. Maybe I did it then?

Me: Make sure you pay more attention to where you are and what you're touching.

Other Mom does not seem happy with this solution, but says nothing. And they haven't returned for a playdate since.

And you know what? In 30 years, if middle girl decides to ruin my older boy's life? She could totally get away with it because of something like this that was 100% innocent, because that's the kind of world apparently the metoo generation wants.

It's ridiculous and terrifying.