On Mandatory Reading Material

I mentioned before (or, if I didn't mention before, I meant to mention before, and in this case let's just go along with the thought being worth the deed, shall we?) that part of our homestudy process involves reading books. These books all have neat little subtitles on the front covers and blurbs on the back that let you know that they're going to explain to you how to raise an adopted child so that said adopted child grows up to be healthy, wealthy, and wise. Or at least well adjusted. Or at least well adjusted as far as having been adopted goes (they make neither claim nor warranty about the usual maladjustment that comes from, you know, having parents.)

It may surprise you to know that, at times, I can be cynical. (I'll wait for the astonishment to wear off. I know you're all floored.) And so it was that I looked at the reading list and rolled my eyes. In fact, I believe I rolled my eyes a number of times - to the point that Tim might have asked if I had something in my eyes. Both of them. At the same time. But, since books are good things and I love any excuse to go to Amazon (heck, I enjoy ordering my text books simply because it lets me go to Amazon and there's the off chance that I might need to add another book into my order so that I can get free shipping. Cause that's thriftiness in action right there. Buy more and save!) off I went to Amazon and promptly ordered up the three required books.

Shortly thereafter they arrived on our doorstep and I opened up the box and, well, I might have rolled my eyes again.

After hemming and hawing and kicking about the notion of re-reading, oh, every book currently on a bookshelf in our house, I decided that the procrastination should end and picked up the top book and sat down to do a little reading. After a few pages, I marked my place and wandered off in search of something interesting to do.

The next day (or perhaps the next, next day) was our all day adoption training extravaganza where we learned fun things like: adopting transracially is sometimes difficult and can cause you to have to deal with things you wouldn't otherwise have to deal with if you conceived children biologically or adopted within the same race. Tim said he thought I had something in my eyes most of that day, too.

That was a Friday. Monday we met with our social worker for our "joint interview". (I think she actually called it a "conjoint" interview, but Merriam-Webster lists "joint" as an alternate definition of "conjoint" and it sounds less bizarre, so I'm sticking with joint.) At this interview, in addition to having long pauses while both Tim and I wracked our brains for some way to answer insightful questions like "What do you think you can offer a child?" (Wherein I bit back snarky responses like "Well, if the child is hungry, I would offer them food. But if they are cold, I would offer a blanket or, perhaps, to turn up the heat.") we were presented with the New! and Improved! reading list that explains that we're now required to only read one book (instead of three) and then the Social Worker said she recommended a particular one which was, of course, not the one that I had already started.

So when we got home, I reshuffled my stack of adoption books and did a little dance of joy, because the one she recommended was the skinnest of them all! Thus I pulled the bookmark out of the other book and began to read. And I was really surprised because all things considered, it was a really good book, with interesting information (some I knew, some I didn't, and some that was thought provoking.) But I still felt a lot of the actual parenting advice was applicable to any child, not just adopted ones. For example, there was one whole chapter on how you should show your adopted child unconditional love. Um. Shouldn't you love any child unconditionally?

But aside from that, there was some good material on why it's important to be open to your child searching for his or her birth parents and how that shouldn't be seen as a rejection of you (something I hadn't thought deeply about, but that I suspect would have initially caused pain) and how the possibility should, in fact, be presented to your child throughout their childhood - that with many other facets of their adoption story - so that the child never feels that there is anything wrong or hurtful or taboo about having been adopted and that they know they can always approach you with concerns or questions and still find that unconditional love and acceptance.

It's a good book and I'm glad we had to read it. It's something I'd even recommend if you're considering adoption in any way.