Know It All Doctors and A Small Side of Irony

Yesterday, having grown tired of the sniffling and stuffiness and almost-but-not-quite-a-migraine head pounding that I have grown to recognize as the beginnings of a sinus infection, I headed out to the doctor in search of relief. The practice we go to has eight different doctors and while usually I try to get the same one the desire to get in and out quickly trumped seeing the same doctor so I ended up with someone who I've never seen before.

He did the typical looking in my ears and throat and listening to my chest and so forth and pronounced a sinus infection. (Hey! I could be a doctor too!) He then sat and flipped through my chart and, noticing how sick I've been in the last six months, started asking a few questions. He then proceeded to do the thing that I detest most - give me all the solutions to all my problems as they work in a medical textbook for normal people. Medically I am the farthest thing from normal that walks this planet.

He told me that Metformin would cure my PCOS. I explained to him that I'd been on Metformin for nearly three years, many years ago, in doses ranging from 500mg to 2500 mg and never had anything to show for it other than all the bad side effects of the medicine and at least once daily hypoglycemic episodes that ranged in severity from migraines to an inability to keep any food or liquid down. He informed me that that wasn't possible (the same statement another doctor made previously.) I just shrugged and assured him that while it was certainly not typical, I would beg to respectfully differ on the possibility of it.

He then went on to tell me that infertility is simply a matter of timing and that we just needed to make sure that we were attempting to make a baby when I was ovulating. Aside from thinking that Captain Obvious needed his head examined, I pointed out that for me it wasn't that simple and explained the gory details of the various injectable medications and durations and no follicles that we've been through, ending with the notion that if someone who specializes in combating infertility had given up on me as a helpless case, perhaps he ought to defer to their judgment.

This then prompted him to explain that if I lost weight everything would be easier. Of course, this is true, however losing weight when you've got PCOS is like telling someone with low lung function to run a marathon in Denver. It just isn't happening. I explained this and he responded, "Losing weight is a simple matter of reducing your caloric intake." Now, I know that when people see the overweight their first instinct is to assume that person has no self control and just sits around all day shoveling food into their mouth as if there is a famine looming on the horizon. However, when you have medical records in front of you with clearly documented explanations of exactly what the problem is (none of which is related to the caloric intake of the person in question), well I would think you'd keep your trap shut and at least try to remain smugly superior in silence. I told him I'd keep that in mind and that since it was clearly so simple I ought to be skinny in no time. He might have caught the sarcasm, it wasn't immediately obvious.

Finally, circling back around to kids because apparently he was just unable to let it go, he reminded me about how it was all just timing. So I mentioned that we were pursuing adoption, to which he replied, "Well, that's a good fall back plan, but God can give you children if you're doing everything you can on your end." To which I replied that we were, we were working with an agency. He had the sense at this point to hush and so I left with my prescriptions - one to take care of the sinus infection and another to help me sleep.

So last night I took the half pill recommended for a good night sleep with no hangover about 30 minutes before bed. Started to feel a little sleepy so quickly brushed my teeth and turned out the light, looking forward to a good night's sleep for the first time in a few weeks. I then proceeded to toss and turn and stare at the ceiling until 11:00 (roughly 2 hours) at which point I moved so I wouldn't disturb Tim. I did finally manage to get to sleep around 11:30 and slept soundly until 3:30. At which point I woke up and didn't get back to sleep until 5:30 - as the alarm went off. Seems to me that this is a really good marketing plan - sleeping pills that cause insomnia.