Deep Thoughts

It occurred to me, shortly after I published my rather blathery post about a mop yesterday (though honestly, it felt post-worthy at the time!) (though I also realize that I could have simply twittered "My new mop sucks" and been done with it) that the quality of thinking around here has taken a rather significant plummet of late. There are a lot of reasons - up there among the top ranking ones is that deep thoughts take time to craft into sensible expressions and I am either not finding or simply not taking that time these days.

Then there's the fact that a lot of my deep thoughts these days sound a lot like whining when I really listen to them. I whine plenty as it is, I don't need to open a vineyard. For example, we have the fact that I really, seriously dislike our church. I've wanted to leave for coming up on a year now. Tim isn't ready to go yet - and I get his reasoning (and agree with it, to a degree) that we've been most everywhere else locally and have found reasons why we didn't go there long term and those reasons are all probably still reasonable. Plus, I'm the reason that we have only one set of friends there now when we used to have many more - and the folks from the old class still talk to (and like) him - it's just me that they all wish to the southern climes of Dante's favorite topic. And the fact that the music minister and pastor both feel it's appropriate to ask for applause now at the end of the service doesn't appear to bother him like it does me. So, rather than continue to go round and round, I'm really trying to suck it up. And sucking it up means working on not dwelling on the fact that I'm miserable just thinking about church. It probably also means not blogging about it. So, there goes one topic...and honestly, a lot of other related topics because I'm so frustrated and hurt and angry about how I was treated by this person who is esteemed and revered at our church (i.e. people would never believe that she's as vicious and hateful as she is) that there are parts of my spiritual life that are suffering.

I know it's on me that that's the case. I do. But I can't seem to get past the hurt to fix it.

Then there are deep thoughts about being a mom, which is wonderful. (These are not whiny thoughts, generally.) But I'm really trying not to be all baby, all the time. And I know I fail at that miserably as well.

Which leaves me with thoughts about politics (just too depressing to bother) or my students and how they're a reflection of the culture hopping in a hand cart (again, depressing...also possibly whiny)...and we end up with less than deep thinking and long, rambly posts about mops.

All that to say, I appreciate you bearing with me - cause I know it isn't particularly interesting around here right now. I'm working on it.