Blargh

As I was sitting at my computer this afternoon working on this dissertation proposal some more (it's starting to take longer because the motivation is at an all-time low...this is largely due to the fact that I'm revising the part where most of my advisor's comments...interspersed liberally on each line...are all along the lines of "You haven't made a case for this." "Do you really think this is a valid study?" and so on. To which I want to scream, "Yes! And so did you when you approved the idea paper." But at this point, I've almost convinced myself that he's right and I ought to just give up now. And now, after that incredibly long parenthetical, we return to the orignal sentence...) it occurred to me that I have been reading this literature (and my proposal) for far too long.

I just can't drum up the energy to care. And that doesn't really bode well since I have to be neck deep in this stuff for at least another year.

Add to that the fact that it's looking like, given said motivation issues etc., it'll be unlikely that I can defer next semester after all, well...it's frustrating. Cause I really want to spend another semester of tuition for the honor of getting nowhere. Now yes, 99% of that is my own fault. But the fact that I pay tuition and ostensibly that should get me some of my advisor's time but in actuality it's lucky to get me an email now and again after I beg (and really, the only time I got a fast response was when I was super discouraged and told him I was thinking it was time to quit), well, I resent the money.

Anyway. Less whining, more writing. I'm off.