Yesterday we went to a MOPS playdate. This is essentially where ladies and kids from MOPS meet at a playground for a few hours and let the kids run. With a toddler like I have, it's all about chasing the kiddo around and waving absently to other moms as you run by. Still, he seemed to have a ton of fun.
However, here is where I start to chide myself about not over analyzing and just trying to roll with things. See, the common "get to know you" questions moms ask include start with "Is he your first" and then, upon the statement of "So far" (really, what else do you say? Yes, he's our first. Yes, we'd like at least one more. So...so far.) There are curious looks or exclamations of how they love having an only or how have multiple kids is great or whatever. Then of course comes the conversation about pregnancy and delivery to which I have nothing to add, so I usually say something along the lines of, "I was really lucky on that score, he was adopted."
And then conversation inevitably pauses and questions of "Oh, where from?" and "How long did it take?" and so forth, including anecdotes of people they know who've adopted etc. And this is all fine and natural. But yesterday I got the strangest comment that was then seconded by the other mom who was there and...I just don't know what to do with it.
On hearing that the doodle was adopted she said, "I have no problem with adoption." And the second lady piped up, "Oh, me either."
Um. Ok? Good to know? It's not exactly a ringing endorsement of the miracle and blessing that adoption is - but they haven't experienced it, so sure, maybe they don't understand. But the way it was stated was as if so many people do have a problem with it (which, ok, they do - but not usually in church groups) and that we were brave to have adopted. But there was no bravery on our part - our son's birthmother? She's the bravest young woman I've ever met and there aren't words for how much I admire her willingness to make the hardest decision I can imagine because it was best for her and this marvelous little boy.
So, I'm working on taking it as a good comment but at the back of my mind, I'm just kind of shaking my head cause...yeah.
Of course, a while later, conversation turned to birth control and monthly cycles and I had to scratch my head and wonder why on earth women feel the need to talk about this stuff. Seriously. It is what it is, obviously, but when you're at a public park with kids running around and people you don't really know sitting around with you, this just seems...unnecessary.
And that is why, as a rule, I've aways preferred the company of guys.
4 days ago
Some groups of woman do tend to talk about that though...That is why I do, prefer the company of guys sometimes!
ReplyDeleteAs someone who rarely knows the right things to say and who regularly embarasses herself by saying the wrong thing, I think the challenge is in trying to respond without asking the most important question. Knowing why a woman chose adoption helps put some context around the conversation that follows. Not knowing why leads to all sorts of assumptions, weird, rude and otherwise, which of course leads to weird comments. But asking a woman WHY she chose to adopt seems rude and intrusive (at least it does to me when I am talking to a relative stranger, but maybe there is a polite way to do this that helps the conversation become more meaningful). But then, meaningful conversation and chasing a toddler around a playground seem mutually exclusive to me. I think guys understand this better than women.
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