One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others

I am, yet again, struggling with the fact that I am unusual. I know you're all reeling in shock at that revelation and saying to yourself, "Surely not, Beth! You are the epitome of usual!" Or at least, I'm going to pretend that's what you're saying because the "Duh!" that you're actually uttering is much less encouraging.

Why, you ask, am I yet again facing down this fact (and even my sister's mantra of "Normal but not average" isn't cutting it this time)? I'll tell you.

We've finally settled in a Sunday school class at church, having made the decision to go with the class where we were likely to find fellowship even though it is incredibly Bible study light (much like the class we were in at our old church, though in this case the sermons are so wonderfully rich in growth material that at least we're not starving spiritually.) And so we've been working to make new friends and it's going reasonably well. So I was excited to get an email invitation to Friday lunch with the other at-home moms in our class. I quickly emailed and said I'd love to come and, just to check the block, make sure the kiddo coming along was ok. Only to get a response that, no, they usually leave the kids at home.

This is fine for them - they all have at least one teenager who can watch the others. I don't think the county would smile on me leaving a 2 year old at home on his own somehow. So I said I'd just bow out because they were pretty clear that this is "adult" time and that's fine. But it reminded me that I am unusual.

See, first, I really don't get the whole "adult time" thing. I mean, sure, I enjoy the down time when the kiddo's in bed and I enjoy nap time, but when it's not either of those preset down times, I adore having the kiddo around, even when he's being full-on two. Maybe this is because I have so many years of no-kids-but-desperate-for-them under my belt. I don't know. Still, I've pretty much accepted that this is going to be a constant head scratcher for me when it comes up.

Second, and this is really the big thing right now, I'm starting to realize that we're basically never going to be in the right demographic for our peers. We left one church in the area after three years because they kept asking us if we were new, despite being fairly involved, since, as one woman finally explained, "You'll never fit in without kids." So ok, fine. Fast forward to today, when we have a kid, but at 35 going on 36 (well, Tim's almost 36, I've still got a little while) we have a two year old. Of course, this would be slightly more acceptable if we'd been married under 4 years. But no, we're approaching our 15 year anniversary and, well, apparently the two together just don't compute for people.

And so I'm working on smiling and singing the old Sesame Street tune...because at the end of the day, my life is what it is and I'm ok with it. I wish that I had more female friends, but apparently I'm just too much of an odd duck for girls to deal with. So ok, fine. Right now, even though I'm annoyed at the far reaching and long lasting impact infertility continues to have, I wouldn't trade a second of it if it meant I didn't have this amazing and delightful little boy, because he is so clearly the child God planned for us that there is no other way to think of it.