Not Off To An Auspicious Start

I think today is going to be one that would give Alexander a run for his money. And it's Friday. Aren't Fridays supposed to be *good* days, just by virtue of being the last day of the work week? (And to add insult to injury, Tim's off today. So really, it's like a weekend. That means it definitely is supposed to be a good day on principle.)

Nobody slept well.

Tim's been up since the younger boy got up at 3. Why is he getting up at 3 again? Nothing changed! He's still eating plenty (the same, or slightly more, that he was eating when he was happily making it the night through. Babies are fascinating little people. They just need instruction manuals, clearly there's a setting that needs to be tweaked.

The elder boy had perhaps the worst day of behavior yesterday that he's had in his entire life. It was exhausting and draining and has made me feel like the world's worst mother. (I get that I shouldn't feel that way, but honestly, if you're a parent you understand how it happens. If you're not, you never will. (I can say the last with authority as I spent 11 years childless and those years were, hands down, my best years of parenting / having parenting answers. It's never as easy or clear when you're hip deep.) (To all my friends who I annoyed with my smug grasp of how easy things should be, mea culpa.)) It's also raised some questions and fears that have been lurking in the back of my brain just waiting for an opportunity to resurface. And they're such that I feel like someone whose opinion I value is going to be annoyed (at the least) with me no matter what I choose to do.

There's really nothing better in life than a massive Catch-22, is there?

To add joy and happiness the world wide, said elder boy has been awake since at least 5:30 (trying to get up and get us up as well) despite the fact that he has a clock that turns green when he's allowed to be out of bed. He knows he has to wait for the clock to be green. He even starts his sentence with "My clock's not green yet, but..." It's not like the green is set to turn on at 9 or anything. I just want him to stay in bed until 7. It doesn't seem unreasonable...unless, apparently, you're four.

I would love to just crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head...except that I know I wouldn't sleep. Also Tim is, I think, finally getting back to sleep and really I ought to let him. And now it's totally ok if the elder boy gets up since it's 8 minutes after 7, so I'm expecting his little tippy toes to be making their way down here any second. Plus the younger boy is up gurgling happily in his bed so I ought to go get him.

Time to paste on a smile and hope that it sticks.