I read somewhere once that Gary Larson (of the Far Side fame) struggled with mental illness and that you could always tell when he was starting to slip downward when he started drawing elephants.
I don't know if it's true or not. But if it is, then the analogy would hold that my drawing board is full of pachyderms.
I'm not sure if it's a return of grief. I do miss my mom a lot right now. Or general overwhelm. For I am surely feeling overwhelmed. It seems as if everything I try that works fine (if not marvellously great) for others is at best meh if not downright awful for me. As if life is one big Sisiphian exercise in futility.
But it accounts for a large and overriding sense of blergh that consumes my day.
It is the opposite of awesome.
Grief is a cast-iron beyotch, but it's not an illness.
ReplyDeleteIt's been about a year and a half since I lost the Mothe and I still get periodic attacks of the blue devils. I had a very nice conversation with a priest friend of mine a couple months back who said that the illness would be there if I DIDN'T have these feelings.
So hard, yes. Wrong, no.
And I'll continue to pray for you.