Merry Christmas

I've been managing to get through the various holiday prep by virtue of putting one foot in front of the other. But it's simply rote activity and will rather than any semblance of Christmas spirit.

We got gifts wrapped this evening. And the food is purchased and stuck in the fridge. So we're ready, ish. Which is good because tomorrow is the usual waffles and vanilla sauce with my dad and sister. Assuming she's well enough to come, which is iffy.

She's very close to the end of her radiation (chemo finished last week) - I believe her final treatment is January 8. But she's also very close to the end of her ability to keep on going.

Dad is struggling. With missing mom. With my sister's cancer. With...just everything.

Somehow in here, I got nominated to be the one who holds it together and bolsters the ones who are falling apart.

I don't think I have it in me.

If the whole family has a breakdown, do we get a group rate at the treatment center?

And yet. The clock keeps ticking forward and so must I.

I'll get through it. And somewhere in the midst, I'll hopefully find the ability to smile and wish everyone merry, and spend a few minutes contemplating the scandalous reality that God came to earth and took on flesh because He loved me.