Let me sum up

I have all these random ideas for blog posts whilst in the shower or nowhere near anything resembling a blogging device and so they go un-blogged for weeks on end. And then I end up doing one of these awful little catchalls that don't have a semblance of usefulness, but whatever. It's better than prolonged radio silence. (Or is it?)

Item the first:

My sister has finished radiation. So now we wait. They wait 90 days from the final radiation treatment before they reimage. And I understand the whys and wherefores, but I'm telling you, waiting sucks. Especially since there's a lot that hangs on whatever they find when they do look again. This was the best and most that they could throw at the cancer. If it didn't work? There's...basically a ticking clock. And it's not got a particularly long time to tick. I don't want to wrap my head around it, which is good, I guess, because I can't.

And I mean even if we get the best case scenario and it's officially in remission - the majority of folks with this cancer recur. And then we see that short ticking clock again.

Item the second:

As a result of my hysterectomy, I am now on HRT. I was managing the symptoms fine with a couple of essential oils (and yes, I do realize how ridiculous that sounds) but the doctor harangued me up one side and down the other with studies that show that women who don't do estrogen replacement are more likely to have dimentia and heart disease and she had a whole litany of other stuff so FINE. Hello, estrogen.

Did you know estrogen blocks thyroid? Fun fact.

So now my thyroid meds are out of whack. And we're playing with getting them right but that crippling depression I suffered in December? Probably not all grief and the holidays. Probably also highly influenced by the fact that my thyroid was in the toilet again.

Of course, the little increase in dose she gave me is making my heart race, so I'm guessing we'll have to back that off (which is sad because I've been enjoying not being borderline suicidal for the last three weeks.) Hopefully she'll have another suggestion of how we can make my thyroid medicine work AND still prevent all the doom and gloom of low estrogen and also maybe not make me gain another 10 pounds in a month (thank you, estrogen.)

Sigh.

My body is complicated.

Item the third:

The March for Life last week looked like a good event. I do wish the pro life movement would get away from the "saving babies" verbiage. My mom never loved that and I've sort of adopted her feelings on it for myself. Because it really does pave the way for people to say that's all pro life people care about -- and it just isn't. Plus, I think here in 2020 we can all admit -- no matter how pro abortion we might be -- that it's a baby. A fully human baby. That is being murdered. Is anyone still trying to sell the "clump of tissue" BS? I just don't think that flies for anyone anymore -- it's become a fight between who matters more a mother or her child. And the pro aborts would say the mother trumps all, whereas the pro life crowd I know would say the mother and the child both matter and we'd like to help both live.

The "save the baby" narrative flies in the face of what is actually, I believe, at the heart of the pro life movement, which is life for everyone concerned.

Item the fourth:

Eldest is twelve. Youngest turns eight on Monday. I am officially wondering where the time has flown off to. I guess it's true what they say, the days are long but the years are short. (And for all of that, I still don't buy the idea that you should therefore never be annoyed at your kids. They're people. You're a person. There will be clashing and drama, it's inevitable. Roll with it, forgive, and keep loving.)