Surrender the line

I broke down and bought chewy things for the boy. They drive me crazy but at least when he needs to chew he has something appropriate to do it on. And it does seem to be stopping the finger chewing so. There's that I guess.

Today at speech, the ST says that she feels like it's not so much that he's not able to find the words to describe things, but that he's not able to focus well enough to string them in the right order.

Back to ADHD screwing him over.

I hate the idea of medicating him. There are so many horror stories. And yet.

We're not all that far removed from a horror story right now.

And if it's really the ability to focus that's holding him back, then how can I not at least try medication when that's what has the potential ability to remove the biggest obstacle in front of him.

And yet.

Did you read Flowers for Algernon growing up?

It haunts me.

It's probably irrational. I realize that. But I'm terrified and paralyzed and I just feel like all I do is make bad decisions when it comes to trying to help my boy.

So I need to figure out if I look for a psychiatrist (that's the doctor one, right?) to work with for meds or if we start with the pediatrician. We see him in March and part of me thinks it's worth waiting the few weeks to go to someone who's a known quantity. But the other part of me isn't sure.

I hate that not being sure is becoming my defining characteristic right now.