We've been attending the same church for the last fifteen years. We moved there after some theological and preference (music style) issues pushed us over the edge. By and large, we love where we are now. The preaching is sound. The people are good to be around. The kids are, generally, accepted and are being taught correctly and appropriately.
We've settled in to various leadership roles as well. I head up Awana. Hubby does all the IT for the church. He helps with Trail Life. I pitch in with other children's ministry things. And here and there we've led and/or hosted a small group either in our home or during the Sunday school hour.
Point being, we're involved. We believe that is the correct thing. Church isn't meant to be a spectator sport.
But some sketchy stuff has gone down over the last two years with how personality conflicts and difference of opinion are handled and it all boiled over this last week when a friend of ours (and our current small group leader) was brought before the ministry council, stripped of his leadership, and placed under church discipline.
Now, I'm all for this process when it's because of unrepentant sin (because that is the purpose of church discipline, to help bring believers back to a walk that is consistent with scripture.) But in this case? He does not have unrepentant sin that he can identify and, when he asked them to clarify so he could address the problem in his life, they refused to comment.
This is not okay.
In fact, in our conversations with him, all we can come up with is that he has a difference of opinion with the pastors and with another leader. And while there have been some heated exchanges trying to come to a compromise or understanding with both, he has apologized and tried to make things right from his end. The same is not the case on the other end.
And so it leaves me and the hubby trying to decide what to do.
Eldest loves the church. He has friends in youth group. He's active and involved. Leaving doesn't feel like the right solution, because neither of us want to rip that away from him.
On the flip side, youngest (owing to his ADHD issues) has already been kicked out of Sunday school. Maybe next year, when he hits youth group, that will reset and he'll be able to handle it. But again, maybe not.
And when I tried to talk to the children's pastor about youngest being kicked out of SS, I was met with stony silence and have, since then, been subjected to the silent treatment. She speaks to me only about Awana. And only then if absolutely necessary. Where she used to hang out in the resource room with me every week during club, she now disappears as soon as she's done the bare minimum and hides elsewhere so we don't have to have a conversation.
The message is very much, from all of this, don't disagree with the pastoral staff and also? Don't try to have a conversation about how to fix things if you do.
It's absolutely not what the Bible says to do.
But we're at a loss. How do you continue to serve in a church where you know it's simply a matter of time before you get put under church discipline for having the temerity to disagree with a pastor? How do you serve when you see it acted out, harshly, that it's "My way or the highway" from their perspective?
And so we're pondering essentially quiet quitting. Hubby plans to step back from TL leadership and IT. And I'm praying about stepping down as the head of Awana. We would then, of necessity, rescind our membership (because membership requires you to serve). And we would simply attend.
I don't love it. But short of leaving entirely, I'm unsure what else to do.
Mostly, I'm heartbroken that the church, and Christians in general, seem to do a bang up job of making ourselves look ridiculous to nonbelievers. If they'll know we're Christians for our love for one another, it seems like we should know better than to wonder why no one recognizes who we serve.
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