Press On

So the other day while I was scrolling Instagram whilst waiting for a child who was doing one thing or the other, I happened across an ad for Harry Potter themed press on nails.

Now if you know me at all, you probably can surmise that fingernails are a utilitarian sort of thing in my world and kept piano/stringed instrument playing short. Because I am very hard on my hands. Or so it seems.

Regardless, I have always somewhat envied ladies with their long, gorgeous fake nails. 

And these were Harry Potter! They're emerald green and kind of 3-d and pearly and they have a Slytherin snake! (Yes, I was sorted into Slytherin. It gave me a moment, but my friend talked me down and honestly, other than the whole evil thing that seems to hit most of them, the rest really does fit me.)

Long story short, I bought them.

I stared at them from the side of my eye for about a week until finally, today, I girded my metaphorical loins and gave them a shot.

The initial application was...hilarious. 

Said nails in their original form were probably a solid inch (3/4 of an inch? They were crazy long) and pointed like a little dagger at the end. I was like to put my eye out. Or a kid's eye out. Maybe both.

Plus I could do absolutely zero with nails that long.

How do women do it?? Maybe that's "Kept Woman" length?

After a little lip chewing in consternation, I got my trusty clippers and went to work. Now, I can actually do things like hold a pen or pick something up. BUT! They're still longer than my usual. And I think they're pretty.

Of course, I've also had to reglue 3 of them already. (That's right, 30% have popped off in the first twelve hours. It doesn't bode well, I'll be honest.) (The company claims 2 weeks of wear. I am, at this point, hoping to make it a full 24 hours.)

I don't think I was made to be a girly girl.