True Tales of Motherhood

Hubby's youngest sister is expecting. No, she is not married. No, said guy is not in the picture (this is actually good as he's an abusive ahole and we all fear she's going to go back to him. Because she's been off and on with him for the last 2ish years despite high drama with police and court and so forth.) She'll be 40 in the spring.

So yeah, if this sounds a lot like what we with through hubby's other sister, you'd be correct. Except of course that middle sister was holding a job and living on her own and well able to be a single mom (albeit that's a hard road). Middle sister ended up marrying the father and we have concerns there, but he's not abusive, at least. So low bar, yes, but whatever. They're mostly seeming to make it work going on four years now.

But youngest sister has this...lala land idealism about "being a mommy" and "I can play dress up if it's a girl." And...yeah, cool. You can do those things. But also it's work? And she is allergic to work. She doesn't have job. Hasn't for years. Last one she had she quit because "it was boring." She lives with Hub's dad. And Dad does allll the heavy lifting.

And both middle sister and hubby are making loud noises that this baby can't be Dad's responsibility (I support this) but I don't think youngest sister believes it.

She has yet to go to the doctor. Or to the pregnancy center I sent her info on. I texted her this morning to check in and see if she'd made progress, but got the same reply. She's tiiired. She's having a hard time sleeping at night. She's uncomfortable.

I flat out told her, "Hey, welcome to motherhood. Suck it up. If you're going to do this, it means the baby/toddler/child/teen" comes first. And if you're a single mom? You don't get sick days. You don't get to lay in bed with a pillow over your head and pretend you don't have responsibilities. Get out of bed and make the calls and then go to the damn appointments."

"But I'm exhausted." says she.

"You'll get a chance to rest in about 18 years." Says I.

Hubby and I have put on the table that we'll take the baby. I think it would be better all around if she made an adoption plan with a younger couple who wants to start a family but can't, but she is adamant that she doesn't want to do that. And yet, she is in no way showing that she's capable of stepping up. She's "trying" to quit smoking weed. (Facepalm) I worry that we'll end up with the baby only after neglect and CPS involvement traumatizes that poor baby first. And I don't know how hard to push to get her to make a smarter choice from the beginning.

So I just keep trying to give her the straight scoop and encourage her to either rise to the occasion or get out of the boat.