This is not complaining

So I am back in a holding pattern at work. Waiting and waiting and waiting for Pokey to finish his part of the project so we can test it and start the miles of paperwork to deploy it in the official test system. To my knowledge, Pokey is at the exact same point in his development (and by this I mean product development) as he was about three and a half weeks ago when he last did something other than dodge the question when I asked for a status update. (What he doesn't realize is that when he dodges, I send the same exact status that I had from before on up to our supervisors...which has not gone unnoticed. I'm now fielding questions as to why Pokey appears to have made no progress. The joy.)

So, since our deadline isn't until next Wednesday and I've been assured repeatedly by Pokey that there is nothing I can do to help and my part is finished, I wait. And while I wait, I surf. And today it hit me: I could be using this time to research the papers I need to write for school (two papers due May 2nd - you and I both know this is sooner than it seems.) So, with fear and trepidation today, I logged on to my school portal and dug through various digital libraries gathering to myself fascinating tidbits abot 10-Gigabit Ethernet and DSL. (Yeah, I know you're jealous, it's ok. I'd be jealous of me too. The only thing that I might be even more jealous of would be un-anesthetized surgery.) And the whole time I felt like I was being really bad. Guilt like you have never experienced.

Why is it that I'm perfectly ok writing the occasional blog entry, doing the occasional Sudoku, surfing the occasional other blog, read news, check personal mail, etc. from work but when I do something that's actually productive and beneficial to me (and will - gasp - save me some heartache later tonight) I'm overcome by guilt? This just seems very bizarre. I would think that in a normal, well-adjusted person, it would be the other way. After all, researching for these papers is at least 1) computer related and 2) potentially beneficial (after all, they're going to benefit when I complete my PhD, or so they tell me), whereas the other stuff is blatant time wasting. There is no possible redeeming value to Sudoku in the overall scheme of my job. (Well, actually that's not 100% true - Sudoku builds problem-solving skills and critical thinking abilities, so in that respect it's beneficial but seriously, I don't think any employer actually cares about that.)

Theories? Thoughts? Is this just me?