Pharmaceutical Phun

Last night after supper (during which we flipped on the TV and finally watched the episode of 24 where they reveal the President Weasel-Boy is in fact more than a wuss and has flipped all the way into freaking unpatriotic terrorist wanna-be bad guy. Yeah, we're way behind.) I sat down at my computer to continue working on the next of my nightmare networking papers. This particular paper I'm actually kind of enjoying (and consequently it's going much faster). I think the enjoyment is 2-fold. First, I've gotten full credit on the previous four, so I feel a little more confident in what I need to produce. Always a good thing. Second, this one is on wireless networking and, besides actually having marginal experience with said, it's technology Tim and I have discussed on numerous occasions both on our own and with friends (Tim being both computer expert and computer security weenie to the stars. Well, ok, not to the stars, but to our friends and family, who are all stars in my book. Go ahead, say it with me, awwww.)

Anyway, there I sit happily typing away and Tim comes in from watching back episodes of Battlestar Gallactica to begin organizing his desk. (I quit watching BSG when I realized that, of all the characters on the show, I really wanted the Cylons to win. All the others were just too annoying for me and at least with the Cylons it was easy to tell where you stood. Though with the whole Sharon thing I guess that got blown out of the water too. Anyway, he gives me updates on plots and I feel good about my BSG knowledge and Tim enjoys watching it without my snarky commentary, so everybody wins.) There's shuffling and organizational mumbling but that's all normal so I just tune it out, and then:

Tim: Your medication cost $450?
Me: Um. No, the copay is $30.
Tim (thrusting mail order medication receipt at me): They charged you more than $30
Me (staring in disbelief at the receipt): This has got to be wrong. *Exhale first of several very heavy, very unhappy sighs for the evening*

So I saved my paper and wandered back upstairs to find my prescription card with their 800 number so that I could try and find a person who might be able to explain the rather severe jump.

Let me interrupt here and just comment that "automated phone systems" are the most ridiculous thing on the planet. With the amount of time you spent getting someone to concot the annoying maze of menus, let alone the amount of development that went into the "voice recognition" that they're now trying to use, well, you could pay someone to just answer your phone and route the call properly. This particular phone system is totally voice based.

Overly chirpy recorded voice (OCRV): Thank you for calling the "We Hate Our Customers Prescription Plan Company." Please tell me if you are calling to order a refill, check on the status of a refill, or any other information that will help me handle your call.
Me: They overcharged my copay.
OCRV: I'm sorry. I didn't understand you. Are you calling to order a refill, check on the status of a previously ordered refill, or do you need to speak to a representative.
Me: Speak to a representative
OCRV: So that I can route you to the proper person, please tell me if you are calling in regards to a prescription refill or
Me: Representative
OCRV: So that I can route you....
Me: Operator
We go back and forth for a few minutes before she apparently gives up and I get put on hold for the next available representative. Total time on call to this point: 13 minutes

I talk to the representative and explain that I'm not clear on why all of the sudden, with no warning, my copay has jumped from $30 to $450. She pauses and says, "Let me transfer you to someone higher up." I'm ok with that and listen to their freakishly happy hold music for about 5 minutes before it goes strangely quiet. I think perhaps that someone has picked up, until I hear a click followed by the oh-so-lovely fast-busy sound that indicates the call has disconnected and why are you still off hook?

So it's now been about 25 minutes. I redial, go through all the rigamarole with the stupid automated voice and get back to a representative. I explain that I was on hold being transferred to a supervisor when the phone was disconnected. She promises to check in on me every 2 minutes. I quash the concern that there will be multiple 2 minute intervals that she will need to check in on me during, but what can I do? So I say thank you and go back to freakishly happy hold music. (As a side note, last night while on hold, I determined that hold music should be quiet and dirge-like and,if they must have words, it needs to be about how incredibly annoying it is to be on hold. That way you could smile and hum along with the music, which would put you in a better mood than the freakishly happy music does. All the FHM made me want to do was find a cute little bunny and spraypaint it.)

Looking at about 35 minutes on the phone now, I finally get to a "Special Needs Counselor." As in I have special needs from them (a.k.a. I'm now a problem customer) - not that he has any special needs or is in any way not perfectly average. He gets the spiel, puts me on hold to research and comes back with the lamest thing I've ever heard in my life. He tries to tell me that this is a long term medication (it's not - in fact, it's not exactly something that's healthy to use for long durations) and so after 3 refills the copay goes up from $30 to $60.

I explain about the duration limitations, the fact that this IS my third refill (not something that's after a third refill) and that I'd be perfectly fine with $60, what can we do to get the extra $400 removed from it. He's flummoxed and discombobulated. He says that sometimes they apply rules to specialty medications (ok, this is one) before the rules. I ask where this information is distributed to their customers or if it's just a willy-nilly "when they feel like it" thing - because I've already had to deal with their willy-nilly-ness once so it was a valid question. He isn't sure, and passes me up to another supervisor level.

57 minutes after initially picking up the phone I get an answer that is at least reasonable. I thank her and hang up, then do some quick math and realize that she was incorrect. But they're closing in 3 minutes. With a loud cry of "Khaaaaaan" (well, ok, I didn't scream Khan, but I did scream something. And Khan is more printable. You know the Southern term "Losing my religion"? Well, last night, a little of mine slipped away.) At which point, I went back downstairs handed Tim my notes with the lame excuses and names of people I spoke with, gave him a quick update and finished with, "Here. You deal with this."

But you know what? At the end of the day, I'm still anti-Nationalized Healthcare. As annoying as this is, it's still better.