Watching "Monk" Did Not Prepare Me for a Child with OCD

It's not a big surprise, really, but goodness. I know I've been guilty of a little teasing fun about OCD and let me just say, that's stopped.

Eldest doesn't have the germaphobe kind (turns out there are 4 major types of OCD. Who knew? I mean, psychiatrists, I guess, but it's not what I would have ever considered "common knowledge.") He's a "checking" and "intrusive thoughts" guy, mainly -- although I see some hoarding tendencies with certain things.

It feels like germaphobia would be easier to deal with, but I imagine I'm wrong in reality with that.

I just know that these two kinds are absolutely miserable to watch your child battle.

And what's funny (not in a haha kind of way, really), is that the checking has been present for most of his life. He always needs to know where everyone in the family is. The first words out of his mouth in the morning tend to be, "Where's SleepyPup?" And I tell him. Then it's, "Where's Dad?" I tell him. "Where's brother?" I tell him. He just needs to know.

Then we move onto "What are we doing today?" Even though our schedule is pretty consistent and I have a big whiteboard calendar in the breakfast room (which I started because I was tired of reiterating our schedule ten or twelve - or more - times a day. Now he just goes to look. But I still have to say it at least once.)

We go through the "Where's X" routine at least two more times during the day.

Before bed, it's "What are we doing tomorrow?" And another run through of where everyone is. And he checks the locks on all the doors. And makes sure lights are in his preferred on/off state. 

I'm pretty sure he adjusts three-way switches so that they're all in the same position on the wall plates. (To be fair, when they aren't, it bothers me, but I generally don't fix them. I just try not to look at them or dwell on it.)

When we're out and about, the checking is amplified. Where's his brother? Then there's a lot of anxiety about brother's behavior. (And yeah, I mean, I have that anxiety too. Because ADHD is hard, too.) But eldest checks and corrects -- and I assumed for a long time that was just overbearing older brother.

Nope.

But it's more than that. Do I have my purse? My phone? My keys? The shopping list? He carries a backpack full of essentials (like a first aid kit and pocket knife) at all times. 

I've begun to wonder if the Boy Scouts' "Be prepared" motto stems from someone with OCD.

And it all teeters precariously and spirals into out of control panic when checking doesn't result in the order he needs.

Is it amusing (it sort of is. But also not really) that for all of that, his room is consistently an absolute disaster?

With the swirling panic that's been amplified lately, I've just begun to see how much of my day is actually devoted to reassuring him that all's well in the world. 

And that doesn't even touch on the intrusive thoughts. Which in his case are simply devastating. And overwhelming. And seemingly insurmountable.

We're getting help, but nothing is immediately effective (because of course it isn't) and for now, things seem to just get worse and worse with each passing day.

It's hard. For him, most of all, absolutely. But for the rest of us, too. Because I find myself stepping into the role of She Who Manages and Regulates Everyone's Emotions. Which leaves me ridiculously few resources to manage and regulate my own.