It all comes round again

A zillion years ago, when I started this blog, it was in large part fueled by needing a place to grumble about the difference between what I dreamed/hoped/thought/planned life would be and the realities in which I found myself.

Seems like that never really changes.

Not sure if that's some inherent failing in me (am I never satisfied?) or if I simply have too optimistic and lofty ideas for them to ever really be realized.

Maybe both.

But here we are again, with me struggling to readjust my brain to the reality of what our future is liable to be rather than my plans.

See, hubby and I had always said we would travel when the kids were old enough. And even more so when they were out of the house. We put off traveling when we were young so we could scrimp and save and stock up on retirement income.

And now? Well, the kids are old enough to travel, but entirely too neurodiverse to do so. Eldest would need ridiculous amounts of anti-anxiety meds to just get him on the plane. Youngest...if just himself. And as much as I love him, he's not the kind of person you take out into the larger world so you can be judged for what looks like on the surface as a complete inability to parent.

Toss in the fact that most of hubby's vacation is spent on various camping activities with the boys and it's not as though there's the time to do more anyway.

As for later? Well, with the hiccup in our other house selling, we ended up needing some of those retirement savings this past year. And okay, sure, I'm glad they were there when we got hosed by the recession that we're absolutely not having. Nope. No inflation here. Look away. But it doesn't make a future full of travel look like it's near. Toss in the fact that days like today I seriously question if the younger boy is going to be able to live on his own...and yeah. Good times.

I'm sure the Pollyanna's in the crowd would say to focus on my blessings. And that's valid. I have many. One could easily say these are first world problems, and I would agree. But that doesn't make them any less frustrating in the moment.