My sister had a PET scan today. She struggled with the contrast this time, losing most of it when it came back up. Her kidney function is so low they wouldn't do it via IV. So I wonder how much help the PET scan will actually be.
The kidney function is concerning. She'll see a specialist there at the end of the month, but she's down to right around or just under 30%, so the failure is pretty bad and increasing. She's in constant abdominal pain that her strong pain meds don't really touch - her oncologist says the pain is definitely related to her kidneys.
She's still in the clinical trial right now, but she might drop out. She says she isnt' likely to be kicked out because in a phase 1 they want all the data they can get. And she's more and more tired of playing guinea pig.
In all, she sounds as though she has given up and as understandable as it is, it makes the reality of her dying sink in just a bit more and...I am not ready.
I don't think it's possible to be ready to lose a sister.
With Mom, it was somewhat easier because of her age and how long she fought and in many ways it just felt better. I probably can't quantify that. And I know I had moments where I prayed for her to go quickly because it was so clear that she wanted to and was suffering.
I don't like it.
I guess maybe you're not supposed to.
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