Is it going to get easier again? Ever?

 Y'all.

Sister met with the oncologist on Monday. The conversation was good, I think (I was on the phone to help take notes/listen so she didn't miss anything.) He wants her to try a PARP inhibitor as a maintenance type thing for a while. Of course, said medication isn't technically approved for her type of cancer, so he has to do a little dance with the insurance company to get them to allow it.

I suspect he'll succeed, he's well known and respected and I think has the backup to show this is a reasonable thing to try. Plus, I'm sure the drug company would enjoy collecting data points to see if they could get it approved for even more types of cancer.

Sister is...putting up barriers. The other option is taxol weekly. That's one of the three chemo drugs she had been taking. And they'd do a lower dose. But she still had allergic symptoms with it, so it would mean more steroids and more time and...she just says "the devil you know."

But I'm like, exactly - let's try something else and see if it's better. You can save that as a backup.

Then she starts saying maybe she just won't do more treatment. And this isn't really treatment so much as "trying to keep it stable and not growing" (it's not aggressive, at least.)

And...I can't fight her cancer for her.

If she's giving up, then I guess she's giving up. 

But I think it's stupid.

On top of this, dad is sliding into a much deeper depression than he had been in. It's not hugely unexpected, I guess, but I can't fix it. I don't even know how to help. 

He's trying to get on the list for a Covid vaccine, but the department of health round here is bass akward. And honestly, between the USPS and how badly mismanaged the covid vaccinations are going I don't understand why ANYONE thinks having the government in charge is a positive plan. Like at all.

And youngest...I'm not sure his meds are right. We had upped the dose, but it really isn't different. And he's not growing so that's a concern. And...

it's all just a lot.

And I'm getting tired of trying to carry it.