On Paucity and Malaise*

Robbo pointed out that there was a dearth of posting on blogs he reads and I felt a little called out. Not unreasonably, mind you. Because there has definitely been both around these parts. And, as to the malaise, I'm so tired of me, I couldn't fathom that the rest of y'all weren't even more so.

(Ha. "The rest of y'all." As though there was a teeming horde of readers of this little pocket on the back side of the Internet.)

Regardless, Daddy and I flew out to Austin on Friday and then traveled south to San Antonio to inter my sister's cremains in the family plot. All but one of Dad's siblings joined us, and it was good to see them. I don't believe I'd seen any of them since we were in the same place to inter Mom's cremains.

My therapist (yes, because it's really that bad - which is not to say it has to be bad to go to therapy. I'm definitely pro therapy. For everyone else, ha. It took a lot to get myself there. And I can't say that I think it's doing more than eating away money, but supposedly it's a process.) asked if the service helped. I can see that it helped Dad. But me?

No idea.

I'm still generally numb and yet so overwhelmed by everything that I live life on the edge of some kind of breakdown (screaming rage? inconsolable sobbing? both together? no one knows - it's emotional tempest roulette around here.)

Like I said, even I'm sick of me.

Anyway, I did get to see my friend (I hesitate to use such fun terms as BFF, but if ever I had one, she would be it) who's hubby recently was stationed in Abilene. She and her fam were in Waco for the Baylor game and she and the kids stayed after so we could meet up without me driving 4+ hours to Abilene. (I would have, in a heartbeat, but 90 minutes from Austin to Waco was much nicer.) THAT was a delight and refreshing to my soul. It was one of those things that I wish could just go on forever.

We saw the Silos (because Waco. Can you go to Waco and not?) We toured the Dr. Pepper museum. (Super fun!) and then we spent the better part of the day talking and playing cards in the hotel lobby.

Then I came home to a filthy kitchen, over tired kids, an irritated husband, and...yeah, I wondered briefly why I returned.

Yesterday, things evened out some, but I can't say I'm enjoying the return to reality all that much.

Thus, for me at least, malaise is the defining reason for the paucity of posting round these parts. But I'll endeavor to do better.

Ish.

*HT to Robbo for the fun phrasing.