Book Review: The Corrputible

This is the second of what I hope will become a long running series. I read the first in the series (The Nightwatchman, review here) and was captured by the realness of the characters. This is especially true given that it's published by a Christian publisher. So often Christian fiction is heavy on faith and light on good writing. This is precisely the opposite (though the faith is there - it's not preachy or even brutally overt - it's a secondary character living out her faith and witness to the two main characters. Much more the way things tend to work in life.)

In this second installment, we find Ray Quinn and Crevis fully established in their PI business. They take on a seemingly simple case: find the employee (an ex-cop Ray knew) and the information he stole, and return it. Things take incredible twists and turns from that point on, making it hard to guess all the pieces of the puzzle before the very end. (I did guess one major player, but had no clue on several others.) Throughout the plot, we see Ray struggling with his growing addiction to alcohol and Crevis battling dyslexia as he studies for the entrance exam to the police academy - both are storylines that help to keep you interested in the characters as people and move the story along (and leave you hoping that there'll be a 3rd book before too long.)

Definitely recommended - though it would probably be a good idea to read The Nightwatchman (the first book) first, you would be ok and not too lost if you didn't.

Excuses, Excuses

I have had about seventeen zillion thoughts to post on lately, but never seem to have the time to sit and actually write them in such a way that they might be interesting to anyone. The bulk of the reason for this is that my netbook is having...personal problems.

Last year in the summer-ish timeframe, the child (because when he did it, he was "the child" in as stern a voice as I could manage, rather than the usual endearing doodle) drooled on the keyboard of my netbook. At that point, the lower right quadrant of keys became...fussy. You have to really kind of pound them to get them to take (sometimes you have to pound them 3 or 4 times...or 16 or 1888 times). We took the keyboard apart and cleaned it carefully, let it all dry, put it back together. And it got to a point of only being occasionally goofy. It was workable. Except that somewhere in the process of taking it apart and putting it back together something broke off in one part of it, so it rattles. That hasn't seemed to make a difference one way or the other, so...musical netbook. Fine.

I had gotten used to its temperamental tendencies (like the Function key occasionally deciding to stick, giving you the alternate version of every key on the right side of the keyboard, which, on a netbook is actually more keys than you'd imagine due to reduced keyboard size) and had been happily blogging or emailing away while the kiddo played and ran around.

Fast forward to last week (two weeks ago? somewhere in there) when he upended a glass of water on, you guessed it, the lower right side of my keyboard.

I redid the whole cleaning and drying process but anytime you browse to any kind of entry box, my netbook now decides that you want it to say ..................................................................... And the periods just keep going and going until you manage to hit delete faster than they're typing (harder than you'd imagine) and get them all put back in their little Pandora's box of periods. It's ellipses gone wild and it has rendered the thing virtually unusable if you think you might like to type something. It's gotten so bad, I actually have said that it's easier to type of my phone (and I love my Droid Incredible, don't get me wrong, but even with 8pen (highly recommended as a keyboard replacement, btw) it's not a speedy device where input is concerned. I blame the operator, no doubt, but I can type much faster than I can text. Cause I'm old like that.) Tim took a look and declared it "broken". (Thanks, honey. I got that far.) (Also? You'll notice how I didn't relate any of the 12-year-old boy jokes that got made by a certain husband when I mentioned that my netbook was having issues with its period.)

So, that's where the blame for the radio silence is going to be firmly rested until I am finished teaching two classes at once and regain some of my naptime time. (Like today when I am ignoring my two classes and am, instead, blogging.)

Is it really only Tuesday?

It seems like this week should be much farther along than it is. I'm not clear, exactly, on what the issue is. The President's Day holiday really didn't effect us one way or the other - Tim had to work and it was just a normal Monday at home.

School was canceled today, which meant MOPS was canceled. This isn't that big a deal, except that I spent the bulk of yesterday making a king cake to take along for refreshment time. (King cakes aren't labor intensive, they just happen to need to rise twice, the first time for about 90 minutes, the second for 45. Except at our house, which is inevitably drafty, you need to add about 50% to each of those estimates if you actually want something more like bread and less like rock as the final output. Thus the "all day" nature of making one.) I really don't need that sitting upstairs calling to me. We had some for dessert this evening, it was quite tasty. I may send it off to work with Tim though, we'll see. (I'm seriously torn, it's very yummy...but that implies that I'll eat more, so really, save me from myself, you know?)

Tim is upstairs putting the kiddo to bed. I love listening to him read over the monitor. Though I'm going to have to start putting my foot down about starting the process at 7 (rather than 7:15) on nights daddy is doing the bedtime routine, because it's 10 to 8 and he's not in bed yet, even though his bedtime is 7:30. Ahem. Daddy is very easily cajoled into "just one more story".

My classes (that I'm teaching) are in their final weeks, which is a huge relief. I know better than to teach two at a time, I do. But I didn't feel like I could say no on a number of levels, and so...we have stressed out me. I might be less stressed out if they were both a class I've taught before, but alas, that is not currently the case. I might also be less stressed out if I wasn't doing my doctoral study right now either. Reference previous "not the case" comment. Regardless, I'm a tad stressed and looking forward to classes ending and that blessed one week between terms when there are not classes to be taught (and then hopefully only teaching one class again).

We're giving a shot to not latching the gate across the kiddo's bedroom door tonight. He's been very good the past few weeks about not getting out of bed, so this is his reward. If he can still stay in bed, we'll take it completely down and the house will be gate free for the first time in 3 years. We shall see what happens.

And that is the randomness of Tuesday. I need to go and update my Kindle while I"m thinking about it (the thought just flitted through my head). Maybe while that's happening I'll update my books read widget - there's been some good reading going on of late.

If You Don't Want the Answer, Don't Ask

One of the things that I've been feeling like I need to do a much, much better job at lately is praying purposefully. Which is to say more than the bless our food or good night prayers with the kiddo. But really praying...with time to listen mixed in, because I know that prayer is not meant to be a regurgitation of requests followed by a slammed door and me off to my busy life. But honestly, that's kind of what it's been lately. I'm not proud of it.

And so I've been really trying to take time every day to do this, and one of the things that I've been praying about is what to do about MOPS. Because, as you all know, I have issues with MOPS. It's not meeting any need in my life and really...it's just a big drag. I dread going. And what I really was hoping was that I'd hear very clearly that it was ok for me to be done at the end of the year.

Unfortunately, what I think I'm actually hearing is that this is a place where God wants me to minister. That no, I'm not going to get anything out of it myself. But that since I am in a place that I see the other side of marriage and kids that the women in my MOPS group just don't seem to see (which is to say that yes, sometimes there are frustrations, but gosh on the whole they're awesome), that I need to be there to share those thoughts and try and help.

On the one hand, that's really not what I wanted to hear. On the other hand, it's nice to be making baby steps back to a conversational relationship with God and to remember that He does actually speak, it's just up to me to hear.

The Zoo was a Zoo

This morning, we got up and trekked downtown to hit the zoo. It was to be in the mid 70s and Tim was off and the kiddo had been begging to see serpents at the pet store lately, so really, a whole exhibit of serpents that daddy could take him to would surely be better, right?

Apparently everyone else and their cousin had the same thought. They were still letting people into the parking lots when we got there, but there were no spaces to be had.

Having fought our way into DC, we weren't going home without seeing something, so we hit the Native American Indian Museum and the Air & Space Museum instead. While driving back down toward the mall from the zoo, Tim said, "I always have little conversations with myself where I am irritated that we don't take advantage of all the stuff in DC more often. And then we go and try to do something and I remember why. I'm making a note: I hate DC."

Yep, pretty much.

Worth doing, but such a colossal pain.

We are neither of us city people.

Guess The Song Stuck In My Head

Now, I have no idea why it's stuck in my head. But it's just been rattling around for the past two days and honestly, I can't think why because I don't recall hearing it played. It's like it popped in there of its own accord and will not leave. To the extent that I found myself playing with the lyrics to see if I could make it more amusing. And so I present to you a highbrow version of the song stuck in my head:

Disregarding my excessive anger, I continue to live as an entrapped rodent.

A Bit of Random

• We had a fun day primarily outside today. It was lovely and well into the low 70s. A much needed taste of spring. They're saying it may hit 75 tomorrow. If it's even remotely close to that when we get up, I think we'll head downtown to the zoo. 
• One of the things we did was hit a park I'd never been to before. Technically it's part of an HOA to which we don't belong, but we have several friends who live up there, so I figured I could probably get by if needed - though honestly, I think they care more in the summer when there are more folks around. Though today this park was really rather crowded. Still, it was a very fun play area. We'll definitely go back.
• The change from Playhouse Disney to Disney Junior is really annoying me. First off, I miss Ooh and Ahh. As does the doodle - he's always asking me where the monkeys are. Next, the replacements - ads for the various shows in mouse ears - are really not interesting at all. I mean really, how stupid do you think kids are? They are not going to find logos hopping around interesting. Even Nick Jr. has the moose and the bird rather than show logos. Finally, they glutted the market with promos for Jake and the Neverland Pirates. Ok, fine. New show, I get that. But gosh that show is horrid. I get that Hook is bad and Smee stupid in the book - but in the book, the kids are Lost Boys, not pirates. So they're already changing stuff - so either make Smee and Hook kids too (so it's not kids vs. adults, where kids win and adults are stupid - cause that just teaches them that disrespect is funny early on) or do without and find something else for them to fight against - ghost ship? And the real people who sing at the end? Um. Creepy. 
• I've got a few more books to add to the widget in the sidebar, just haven't gotten to it yet. Maybe this weekend.
• Also up this weekend? Painting the family room. 

The Sound of One Head Screaming

What is it they say? Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you?

That would be life right now. I'm almost thinking that I'd've been better off not finding a place to do my doctoral study. Yes, who would have ever thought those words would cross my fingers? Not me. But there you are. Why you ask? Where do I start?

First off, apparently the teachers who are "helping" me have problems understanding numbered lists of step-by-step instructions. So that had a major hiccup that I had thought we were remedying...until two weeks went by and we're now at the mid point of the study and, oh yes, no one in the experimental group has actually received the experimental treatment.

I'll wait a minute for you to collect your jaw up off the floor. My head still randomly implodes when I realize that this is the case.

Why is this the case? Apparently because I didn't tell them that they needed to do it. Because, "Be sure that the students all complete the tutorial within the first week of class (date x to date y)" was not clear about the fact that students needed to take the tutorial in the first week of class. Not sure how else I was to have phrased it, but maybe I should've used the universal translator. Or hired a mime. Interpretive dance, maybe?

So yes, here we are at the midpoint and I have opened up the midpoint survey, though I'm not sure why, because really I just have a huge control group - maybe I can tell which teachers are more effective when I analyze my data, because that's the only difference that I'm going to uncover.


I'll be in the corner whimpering. It's the only thing that seems to ease the stabbing pain behind my eye.

Book Review: The Dragon and the Turtle Go On Safari

This is a cute little story of two friends (the dragon and the turtle) who are pretending to be on Safari while camping out in their back yard. During their night, they imagine many interactions with initially scary animals who turn out to be friendly and, by encouraging one another, manage to make it through the whole night without having to give up on their adventure.

I had hoped that my son would enjoy this book - he's 3 and just starting the scared of everything phase. Unfortunately, he was decidedly uninterested in the story. I tried reading it to him four times before giving up and just finishing it myself. I thought it was cute, but he found it a little too "talky". (Meaning they just sit there and talk back and forth and nothing really actually happens.) So older kids who can read it themselves might enjoy it, but, at least in our family, it's not working as a read aloud picture book. I'll tuck it away for another year and see if he's more interested when he's a bit older.

This book was received free for review by Waterbook Publishing.

Puppy Love

Yes, it's Valentine's Day. No, this post has pretty much nothing to do with that.

When we'd been married about 3 years, I started thinking it was time for us to get a dog. Mostly this was prompted by the fact that we'd been working on starting a family for just around a year with no success and I was hoping a dog would help ease my heartache a bit. And thus, after considerable cajoling, we came home with Cassi-dog and she has been our boon companion for lo these almost 13 years. Just about six months after that, Tim decided that the reason she was so excited to see us every night when we got home was because she needed company during the day. And so with very little cajoling on his part, we came home with Meggie, who was also our boon companion until 3 years ago when she had to go be Jesus' boon companion instead. (Honestly, He plays ball with her and snuggles her daily. Don't tell me differently, it's the only way I cope with her not being here. And even then it doesn't always work. I miss my Meggie just as much today as when the wound was fresh.)

The doodle is madly in love with Cassi. Cassi is not so much madly in love with him as she is generally mad that he is in her world. She somewhat uneasily bears with him most days. And the doodle's getting better about leaving her alone, though he does swing by and pat her gently every chance he gets. (He really is rather good with her.)

And so, Tim has half-decided that what we need is a puppy. Or, to be more precise, two puppies. (Because we know Cassi is probably not all that long for this world, she being 13 and the average age of Shelties being somewhere in the 10-15 year range, and really it's not fair to just get one puppy and have it lose it's friend so soon.) I'm torn.

On the one hand, Puppy! Puppies are cute. And cuddly. And a puppy would have the energy to match the doodle and, I suspect (and of course, this is part of the plan) they would be fast friends and inseparable and something like a younger version of Red and Rover.

On the other hand...puppy. Puppies are not housebroken. And a puppy would be twice the energy for me to have to channel every day. And what if the puppy and Cassi do not get along and, instead of it giving Cassi the break from being the dog center of attention that we think she wants, it in turn makes Cassi feel even more supplanted by the doodle and now a new dog (or, hey, two new dogs) and she just gets meaner and more unhappy.

Like I said...on the fence. I have, tentatively, found a litter of puppies that'll be ready toward the end of February. Our plan is to go down and see them and play with them and evaluate the various interactions and then make a decision but really...it's hard just looking at photos to say "No, it's not the right thing right now." How much worse is it going to be when holding the wiggling little ball of joy in your hands? If, in fact, that's the right decision to make.

And what does it mean that I've already pretty much got names picked out?

When Everything You've Been Told Is Wrong

So the whole losing weight thing has been a relatively constant struggle for me. As I mentioned the other day, I've lost friends (more than I can count) because I am genetically prone to being large and everyone just harps on you if you're a fat kid. Let me say that again: everyone harps on the fat kid. (I mention this to hopefully prick the conscience of any parents out there who harp on their chubby - or heck, even fat - kids. Don't do this. Find a way to be constructive. And then, teach them how things really work rather than just assuming they're eating junk or too much - if you want your kid to lose weight, sit down and figure out what's really going on.) (Side note just for clarity's sake: My parents never harped on me about my weight - they were the lone source of sanity on that front.)

The typical assumption for most people upon seeing someone fat is "Oh, they must just sit around and gorge themselves all day." And we hear it. You think your snide little comments are sotto voce, but they're not. And then you add in the well meaning friends/teachers/etc. who just want to be all cute and chime in with "Well just eat less than you burn and you'll lose weight" and you end up with me.

Our health insurance now has us talking to a "health coach" twice in order to get a rather large discount on the plan. So ok, fine, I'll talk to the health coach. And, of course, as I'm overweight, I get to talk to someone about my weight. Whoopie. I was prepared for the usual platitudes: eat less, do more, stop being a lazy cow, why can't you just look like Barbie so that the rest of us don't have to be embarrassed by your general existence. On the positive side, I didn't get any of that. First, she actually understands PCOS and what it does to your body - particularly with regard to having you pack on the weight and leave it there. Second, she told me I needed to eat more.

This kills me. All my life, everyone has said eat less. Because that's the knee jerk reaction. And honestly, I typically eat right around 900 calories a day. Which is, apparently, too few. They want me in the 1400-1500 calories. Can I just say that that is looking like an insurmountable amount? (Now, I'll add that I could hit that easily if I ate crap, but I'm trying to eat things that are actually good for me.) The other day I hit 1200 and felt like I was going to have to be rolled to bed, I'd spent the day feeling so full. Add in that, apparently, my hour on the elliptical actually, in some ways, works against me, as I'm supposed to re-eat the calories that burns and still hit 1400. Just kill me now.

So...anyone have suggestions on somethings I can add as a snack here and there that are not crazy high in fat or sugar but that can help me find 500 more calories a day? Some days I wish God would just go back to manna.

Star Charts

We have a few things that we're trying to work with the kiddo on these days - leaving the dog alone (she's old and cranky and basically we're just hoping for some kind of detante), eating without it being a battle royal, and actually sleeping through the night (well, staying in bed through the night, if he wakes up and goes back to sleep, I don't really mind, just as long as I don't also have to wake up 2 and 3 times every night, which is our current MO). Then there's the whole just behaving, in general thing (he's 3, time outs are our friends, but I'd really like the number of time outs a day to start decreasing). And then there's the whole we're thinking of getting a new puppy thing so we'd really like him to learn to treat the dog nicer.

And so, after a little discussion betwixt Tim and myself, we decided to give the motivational chart a try. The child is really gung ho about the new puppy idea, so that's the carrot at the end of the stick. And, in general, (after two days) it seems to be really working.

We split the possible stars into 3 categories:

• Sleeping and eating
• Leaving the dog alone
• No more than 2 time outs a day

At the end of the day, just before bed, we do a little review and he gets to slide the star magnets up to their proper place on the little whiteboard chart we found at Staples (he picked it out) and he's really stoked about doing so. The past two days he has gotten all 3 stars (though yesterday it was a near thing and probably only by virtue of it being bedtime that he squeaked by). Today he's lost one (he didn't eat his breakfast and he got up once last night), but that's been enough of a reminder that he's really toeing the line with the other two thus far.

I'm hopeful.

Good Sound Abatement Walls Make Good Neighbors

Our house sits at the summit of a small hill on a pipestem. A pipestem, for those not in the know, is a long shared driveway, off which other houses have smaller driveways that belong to them. Sometimes they're also called private drives. Regardless, our house is at the top of the pipestem that then continues down a steepish hill to four other houses.

To one side of our house is a wooded strip separating us from some of the neighbor's houses (it's maybe 3 trees deep, it's not like you can't see the other houses). To the other side is a larger conservation area that is actually rather densely forested, with a runoff creek flowing through the bottom. The effect of these two treed areas is something like a funnel, apparently. A funnel that points up the hill.

And so it is that periodically, and only either late at night or very early in the morning, one or two of the neighbors comes home (or heads out for the day) with their car radios booming.

Did I mention that all our bedrooms are above the rooflines of any other houses on the pipestem due to the hill?

You can probably imagine just how well that works for remaining asleep when the boom-boom starts. Honestly, sometimes it's so loud I can make out some of the lyrics to whatever they're enjoying. Now, I can, most of the time, roll over and go back to sleep. The small one...not so much.

And so it was that I was awakened this morning at 5am to the thud thud of early morning bass followed by a revving engine. Both eventually faded off down the street. I held my breath, waiting to see if possibly he had slept through it. But no such luck. Very soon after I heard his door open and him flop to the floor by his gate, calling for me.

I put him back in bed, but I knew. I knew that being up that close to 7 was going to make it impossible for me to get back to sleep. I was not wrong. Tim's alarm went off around 5:45. Then the kiddo and I repeated the process at 6:10. Then again at 6:40. At 6:56 I gave up when he was up again. Because that really is close enough to 7.

I'd really like some sort of bubble that we could snap around the house at bedtime and remove in the morning that reflected all noises back to the creator of said noise and, oh I don't know, amplify it by 100. Cause I'm tired and feeling vindictive.

Either that, or it's one checkmark in the "Move to the Country" pro list.

Back In My Day...

I was perusing the Michael's circular yesterday afternoon (as I am wont to do for any number of reasons, but I'm trying to think of something cute that the kiddo can do for Tim for Valentine's day) and I spotted with no small bit of amazement the foam pink mailbox - essentially full assembled and ready for taking to school (I assume).

I had to stop and wonder...are kids today too incapable of imagination to make something fun out of a shoebox? Or is it that parents won't take the time for the moderate help required to do this? Honestly, I remember one year we all decorated lunch sacks. Or is there something culturally insensitive about those crafts and now we're required to have foam mail boxes because we couldn't possibly stoop so low as to *gasp* recycle junk into a fun craft.

This is much the same reaction I have to the stupid pre-made stretchy book covers. Honestly. Get a paper bag and make one.

It was good enough for me, by golly...it ought to be good enough for kids today.

I guess I really am getting old.

A Little Reorganization

I spent a little bit of time this afternoon tidying up the sidebar a tad. (Yes, I'm procrastinating, why do you ask?) I took off blogs that haven't posted in over a year from Blogs I Like widget - yes, I still like you. But it was getting really big and mostly stale. So, it got pared down a tad. I changed up the labels widget to a cloud (I know, whoopee!)

Most of all though, I put a "Books I've Read This Year" widget over there. I don't necessarily review everything I read, because honestly, some of them are just a delightful afternoon's reading that then passes into the mists of my memory and I'd be hard pressed to actually craft a review beyond "Read this. Didn't stink." or in some cases, "Read this. Please don't waste your time. I'd like to get mine back."  (This is part of my love/hate relationship with the Kindle. On the one hand, FREE BOOKS! On the other hand...sometimes it's clear why they're free. On the other other hand, sometimes it's a great introduction to an author I would never have found otherwise. On the other other other hand...I now read way too much. And it's not like I was slacking before.)

Also, not included in the widget are books I read to/with the kiddo. If I included them, well, there's be like 20 entries a day. Yes, I could not post the re-reads, but most of my days include a bunch of reading on the couch with the kiddo. And I love this - but it's not really what I want to keep track of.

And I'm not including the books I read for school (either teaching or otherwise) - because honestly, none of you care that I read/worked through ASP.NET 3.5 web programming with VB2008. I promise.

Do They Still Make Calgon?

Cause it's been that kind of day.

The Marine Corps base nearby has been practicing their artillery since mid-afternoon yesterday...basically non-stop. And while I get that they need to practice...oh, my head. And also? It's challenging for a child who's afraid of thunder to sleep through shelling. Go figure.

Which, of course, makes said child C-R-A-N-K-Y. Add in a bit of apparent tummy upset (I really think it's his molar that's coming in) and Oh. My. Goodness. My head.

On the positive side, I finished The Forgotten Garden and really, it's just fantastic. Especially if you like The Secret Garden as they are semi-related (or the latter was an inspiration for the former is perhaps a better way to look at it.)

And also? Tim's every-other Friday off is tomorrow. Woo!

Book Review: Little Star

This is a delightful little book about a little star who shined (shone?) as brightly as he could to celebrate the birth of Jesus, regardless of the cost to himself. It's a lovely little story to add to our Christmas book collection (and honestly, we read Christmas books all year round, my son just loves reading about Christmas) and the tie in to why people have stars on top of their trees (to remember little star) is cute and fun. Definitely recommended if you've got little ones who like to be read to.

This book was provided for review by Waterbrook Publishing.

Ghosts

We moved the summer before I started the sixth grade. In general, I wish my parents had skipped me ahead to the 7th rather than sticking me in an elementary school where everyone had spent the last 5 years in the same class. It really wasn't until 7th grade that I made friends - and even those friends were rife with the drama that accompanies being 13. It was in the 7th grade that I had my first real "best friend" - and it's in quotes because she started our 8th grade out letting me know that I would never be popular enough for her to bother continuing to be my friend. And that really defined the rest of our friendship. She'd be cruel. Then she'd need my help in one fashion or another and me, being naive would be her friend again, until such time as she had more abuse to heap on my head. In high school it was worse, because instead of just being ugly to me, she'd spread it around to anyone who would listen. On the other hand, I had my own group of friends in HS who all just rolled their eyes at her - so it was certainly easier to deal with. But when we were friends, it was like we were sisters (at least to me), and so her cruelty cut all the deeper. In college we drifted apart, as you do, but her father died and I reached out and we were good friend  again...until she divorced her husband because he didn't make her happy and I couldn't help but say "That's not his job. You need to work on it with him." And that was that. My feeling that marriage is not disposable was the death knell of our friendship. And for all the drama...I missed her for a long time (and guess I still do occasionally.)

My best friend in high school was a guy and, had he been a Christian, I would have dated him in a heartbeat. But his world view was so diametrically opposed to mine that there was just no way. Still, we remained friends into the early 2000s, when he became obsessed with Ayn Rand and objectivism and he couldn't understand why I couldn't buy into it. And while we didn't talk all that much as adults, and the loss of our friendship wasn't as ugly as with my other friend, I miss just knowing that it's possible to dial him up and chat.

They, and a few others who were shorter blips in my life, have been on my mind lately, because the cutting remarks always seem to come out of the blue - I never expect it. And that's what's going on lately as well - people seem to just want to come out of the woodwork to remind me that, in essence, I suck. The latest in the long parade of comments like "You're notoriously critical and hard to please" (notorious, mind you...I still can't find the dictionary with my photo in it, but hey), "You're impossible to know", and so on and so forth involve my apparent inability to plan something fun for us to do and how hanging out with me is a waste of time and the fact that I walk around with a big "confess" sign on my head. (So...I'm judgmental, I'm guessing?)

And so what I really want to do is just crawl under a rock and say to heck with all of you..but then the ghosts of the people who have said it before all come back and whisper at me when I'm trying to fall asleep, nibbling at my psyche. And I have to stop and wonder...if I'm the only one who seems to disagree, maybe they're not the ones who are wrong and I should just stay in my hole and quit trying.